The Truth About Unattainable Love
“To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves.”
― Blood Wedding and Yerma
Unattainable love has been classified as a syndrome. It is described as an obsessive-addictive disorder where an individual becomes overly involved and interested, or, let’s say, completely obsessed with an imaginary person, a celebrity, a character from a movie, an individual married or committed to someone else, or a colleague, boss or acquaintance. Basically, this person is someone who can never be a romantic partner because of their social or marital status, or worse, doesn’t even exist in real life. The person in unattainable love wants to become a part of their personal lives and have formed a romantic relationship with them. It has been studied that these people are most likely to be someone from the world of television, film, and/or pop music. Mostly a person who is ‘in the public eye can be the object of a person’s obsession. This could be an author, a politician, a journalist, etc.
UnATTAINABLE LOVE TRULY EXIST
Research suggests that unattainable love truly exists and is a kind of disorder that few lovers care to see a psychiatrist for. In my previous post, I have discussed some broad categories of unattainable love, based on the severity and complexity of the lover’s feelings and behavior.
Among teenage females, it has been noted that girls who identify with celebrities have much poorer body image compared to other groups. There suggests a relationship between intense unattainable love and body image in teenagers. Depression, poor mental health such as high anxiety, poorer body image, high stress levels, and increased illness are believed to have a correlation with the pathological aspects of unattainable love among adults. In addition, about 1% of unattainable lovers have obsessional tendencies towards celebrities. Most people in unattainable love often suffer high levels of dissociation and fantasy-proneness.
Life gives us one golden opportunity to become love itself, and the greatest catalyst for this to happen is a relationship, not unrequited, one-way love. I remember once, a married friend began experiencing intense attraction to a man she had to be in the presence of, each day while at work. At that time, a spiritual guru had instructed her to remain faithful to her husband, so that their relationship could go deeper into intimacy and she could be saved from unattainable love. I have written about this in detail in my blog Soulmates and Unrequited Love.
Because what’s worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing you can never have it?”
― The Angel Experiment
At times you experience a love connection with someone so strong, you start believing that this is your twin flame. Does this person arrive with a magical sense of reality, super sexual chemistry, or a supernatural overtone? Perhaps it is a mystical connection on a deeper soul level. However, there is something dangerous about this kind of connection. The longing and passion build clear signs indicating that this is your soulmate. But once you get close, the passion may be unstoppable. Or worse, it may never be reciprocated. If the latter is the case with you, you are on the way to unattainable love.
DEAL WITH A UNATTAINABLE LOVE IN A DIFFICULT RELATIONSHIP
Love isn’t supposed to hurt. It’s only in the wanting of someone who doesn’t reciprocate our affections that pain creeps in. We know, deep down, we’ll never truly capture this particular heart. But we don’t hesitate to rake ours over the coals, hoping against hope they’ll match our love eventually. Why do we try so hard when all signs point to disappointment?
“Some women chase unattainable love because, deep down, they don’t feel worthy of the real deal,” says April Masini, relationship expert, and author. “You’ll see them with a married man, hoping he’ll leave his wife. Or you’ll see them in a series of one-night stands where they try to leverage sex into love or spend weeks interpreting a voice mail message he left with the analytic fervor of an international code breaker.
Chasing unattainable love is also a distraction from the challenge that finding true love takes. Dating is more complex than ever, and some women simply chase the serial dating game or settle for the guy who will never commit—because they don’t want to do the hard work of really figuring out what they want, what they offer, and how to get it, given those parameters. They’ve usually never even figured out what their deal breakers are.
“…unrequited love does not die; it’s only beaten down to a secret place where it hides, curled and wounded. For some unfortunates, it turns bitter and mean, and those who come after paying the price for the hurt by the one who came before.”
― The Book of Unholy Mischief
Realizing that you are in unattainable love and making the required changes doesn’t mean that you’ll lose all emotions for your beloved, but you’ll need to work toward a deeper sense of self. Realize that it’s inevitably going to happen. Society’s message that happiness trumps everything else trips up many youngsters who come to realize they won’t necessarily feel happy forever. We see countless people in love with a celebrity or a star, without understanding that love is more of a choice than a feeling. It’s a choice to look out for the interest of the other person, as much as your own. It’s the choice to be willing to sacrifice for a bigger benefit; to recognize that while there is an emotional aspect of love, love is basically a promise to find fulfillment, no matter what!
So where do you fit into this in terms of unattainable love? Research has also shown that loving someone beyond reach, or worshiping them can have both positive and negative consequences. Those who worship someone for personal reasons have been found to be more depressed, obsessive, solitary, anxious, impulsive, troublesome, and anti-social. People who worship celebrities for entertainment and social reasons, for example, have been found to be more happy, optimistic, and outgoing.
Choose the right path. I have faith in your better judgment. Sending you a light for a healthy relationship.
