Wonder Why You Fell in Unrequited Love?

The thoughts and beliefs you entertain affect your emotions, actions, and the decisions. But, only you can change the way you think and the way you view your experiences. Empowerment of self is based on free will, but unrequited love robs your freedom and makes you a ‘victim’ to someone else’s choices. In essence, it dis-empowers you! As previously mentioned, most of us have experienced unrequited love to some degree, but sometimes it can become a pattern that indicates a much bigger or more basic issue. Ask yourself- “why am I always attracted to ‘unavailable’ people?”, “why do I find myself a ‘victim’ of one way love over and over?”, “what is stopping me from engaging in a balanced, healthy, reciprocal relationship?” If you have asked these questions, or others like these to yourself, then maybe it is time for some self-exploration and eventually self-empowerment, so you can change your perception and actions. Healthier possibilities are waiting for you just around the corner.

While talking about signs and symptoms of unrequited love, some unrequited lovers also suffer from physical symptoms of the condition: physical deterioration or self-destruction are the most prominent. Pre-existing depressive propensity mixed with unrequited love can become a recipe for potential tragedy. Given an average UK suicide rate of around 5,000 per annum, as many as three and a half thousand people kill themselves every year whose death is influenced in at least one way by unrequited love. These are sad features of a painful phenomenon. Here are some gloomy conclusions that I have discussed in my article Unrequited Love Or Life?

There is a high chance that you subconsciously choose to focus on someone whom you subconsciously know will not reciprocate your feelings, thus placing yourself in a situation where you get to be a ‘helpless victim’ and stay in your feeling of not being whole. In other words, you don’t feel your innate wholeness and you subconsciously want to keep on not feeling it. This is based on misunderstandings which we will explore next.

Repeatedly going for Mr/Ms Wrong puts you in the market for relationship mistakes. This one can be neatly combined with being too desperate to get into a relationship. If I repeatedly scrape my face on tarmac and then wonder why it hurts, I may need to think about it. But hold on; anyone can mistakenly fall for a ‘psycho’. Early on, they may be all charm and attentiveness, and you may be conveniently averting your eyes from early telltale signs – such as 24-hour surveillance on your house. So, you can’t always blame yourself for getting mixed up with the psycho, but feel free to blame yourself for staying with a psycho once the signs become obvious. I have discussed this in detail in my blog Prerequisite for Unrequited Love.

Deliberately going for someone with ‘dysfunctional features’ that match characteristics of someone with whom you had a past destructive relationship and then later wondering where it all went wrong, is another mistake that a lot of unrequited lovers make.

What to do if you’re chronically pursuing a mate who is obviously flawed to the extent that relationships will be painful and doomed? The least you can do is to admit this to yourself and not be surprised when such relationships ‘always go wrong’. Knowing your patterns is the first step to changing them.

Research on pain perception even found that we experience less pain when looking at a picture of a loved one. Healthy relationships make for good health and should help you feel secure, strong, loved, and loving – at least some of the time. No wonder many people want a relationship. But for some people, it’s harder for new relationships to ‘take’, to grow and thrive. Love, friendship, intimacy, passion, mutual support- all relationship benefits make for a happier life. That special someone you can laugh with, who shares your hopes, dreams, and concerns. Hold on a moment – we can be in danger of idealizing relationships. And of course, people can be happy without an intimate partner. But however you cut it, relationships do matter.

Please leave your comments about this article. Any suggestions for my future blogs are also welcome!