Nurturing Yourself in Unrequited Love.
Whether we like it or not, the Universal Law of Karma constantly brings before each of us the meeting of our past use of free will and consciousness. Thus, what we have done to other souls and they have done to us is reflected in the circumstances surrounding our present relationships and the basic, innate urges, attitudes and emotions we feel toward each other. As discussed in my article Your Karma in Unrequited Love, Karmic relationships have a magnetism to them to draw you to each other so that one or both of you can learn a lesson. They are similar to soul mate relationships, but the karma is usually negative. There’s an edge to the relationship. It feels off balanced in some way.
While doing my research on the subject, I came across this interesting way for couples to increase their bonding and get into relaxation mode. To sustain the expression of love in a partnership, this bonding relaxation exercise is recommended as a daily practice. Let’s first discuss the practise and then I will share my opinion about it regarding unrequited love.
Get together and lie in the spoon position on your left sides. Because of the location of your hearts on the left, it promotes the flow of energy. The partner in need of the most nurturing should lie on the inside, enveloped by their partner. This allows the alignment of the couple’s chakras and the exchange of loving energy. Both partners’ right hands can rest over the inner person’s heart. Lying comfortably together, close your eyes and concentrate on your breathing. Inhaling and exhaling together helps to create a harmony and synchronicity between one another. Incorporating a soothing visualisation enhances the experience- like visualising a pink light flowing through your heart chakra and surrounding your bodies creating an aura of love and tenderness. Or play your favourite music, no lyrics, just soft music to soothe your senses. This is to be done without any sexual interaction.
Sexologists conclude that this process is therapeutic to the minds and bodies of lovers. It creates a resonance effect, an alignment of energy fields that triggers profound healing in both partners.
Sex is our primal drive in life and we are a sex obsessed culture. Look around you, the sex saturated multi-media portraying orgasmic shampoos, arousing soft drinks and phallic cars, all of these are an indication of what the advertising companies are aiming to target- our basic instinct.
It has been studied that romantic love, is a stronger craving than sex. As discussed in my blog The Brain Function in Unrequited Love, people don’t kill themselves if they do not get sex when they want it, but it is not adaptive to be without love, and hence, a love deprived unrequited lover needs more attention in terms of getting over the situation, than, probably, a sex deprived husband/wife.
According to the Vedas, life can be divided into four main concerns:
- Dharma – the spiritual duties
- Artha – the economic development
- Kama – pursuit of love, pleasure and sex; and
- Moksha – liberation from the cycle of birth and death.
If the Vedas are to be followed, the wise must choose ways of acting that allow them to achieve the four aims of life without letting the pursuit of pleasure lead them to oblivion. The point that I am considering here is – how would an unrequited love, whose love is never returned, is rejected or betrayed, attain the third stage to move on to the fourth? Does this mean an unrequited lovers life remains incomplete and his soul is bound to continue with the vicious circle of life and death, without achieving Moksha? How can this be changed?
The Vedas advise practicing all four activities at different times and in such a manner that they may not clash in any way, are harmonised and planned to follow step 1 to 4 at the right time. With this aim in mind, Ayurveda advises one follow certain observances in order to gain the maximum benefit from sexual union and to avoid detrimental effects of carnal desires.
Remember, life reflects to you what you are sending out as energy. If you are happy with your current reality, thank the universe and enjoy. If you are not happy, open your eyes, go back and redefine your dream.