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Unrequited Sex and Spirituality

Unrequited Sex and Spirituality.

Sexuality is closely related to spirituality in several ways. According to esoteric and yoga teachings, sexual energies can be channeled upward to develop our energy centers or chakra system and higher energy bodies, which forms a part of our spiritual evolution. You are never right or wrong in wanting fulfilling sex in unrequited love, with (or without) a partner who suddenly turned cold and unresponsive in bed. In its negative aspects of lust, sexual excess, degradation and rape, sexuality appears as the antithesis of spirituality, and in this light, it has been seen in religions and most societies. However, in its positive aspects our sexuality opens our heart to love and hence is suppressed in unrequited love. It is supposed to enable us to have experiences similar to meditative states and mystical bliss during an orgasm and its afterglow.

If your partner is judgemental of your sexual desires, they are not in the right position to understand you, no matter how much you attempt at articulating the sensitive subject. We all are who we are, and we all have individual needs, desires and sexual histories that need to be taken into account. Our different forms of sexual expression, differing levels of sensitivity and of sexual desire, different experiences of early sexuality and different rates of arousal must be understandable for our partner. If a partner is failing to understand these, your chances of finding sexual satisfaction with this partner are slim. If both of you are not being able to integrate, address and play around with all of these, the relationship is not going to work, unless one of you is ready to let go of your sexuality, which leads to another dysfunctional aspect of a relationship.

Achieving complete fulfilment of desire through sexual union is an important part of making a relationship work, and being open to our individual uniqueness can prevent sex becoming a bland neutral where each person dumbs down what they really want. So, how do you continue to live right here, right now, without easy access to that deep nourishment which you feel the need for? Like others do, I guess? You take the opportunities for intimacy as they present themselves, whether within your marriage/long-term relationship or outside of it, and make the most of them?

As mentioned in my previous article, even if you are able to suppress your sexuality in unrequited or unreturned love, this battle of winning the relationship is a temporary state. It is just a matter of time before your partner finds another reason to complain and make your life further miserable. It never helps to suppress your desire just so you could make the relationship work. Yet, if you must have this kind of (unfulfilling) life, all you can do is to focus on loving what you’ve got and all of us certainly have plenty. Continue to offer the gifts you have to offer, knowing that they don’t always find a home but that it feels better to offer anyway than to hold back.

There are hundreds of different Tantric, Taoist, yogic and meditation techniques to transform sexual energy into kundalini or spiritual energy. Emotional satisfaction through fulfilling and consensual sexual union leads to spiritual evolution. If religious celibates fight to suppress their sexuality, they misunderstand the deeper reason for the practice of celibacy, and block their spiritual evolution on that level. If devotional practices do not lead to the transmutation of sexual energies then it is much better to find a natural outlet. Suppression always leads to problems.

Sexual energy is a denser part of our general life force energy, which can be liberated as kundalini energy and led upwards. Its ultimate purpose is to facilitate spiritual growth by developing our chakra system and higher energy bodies. When two people have shared a common approach to sexual intimacy and satisfaction, the depths of fulfilment and pleasure experienced by them binds them into cords that can be felt only by those individuals. When one partner falls out of love or becomes disinterested in sex, the other partner feels like a stranger in a familiar territory. Ultimately, no matter how comfortable and alive we feel in our individual sexuality, sharing it with another brings a richness which can’t be experienced alone.

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