Why Unrequited Love – Possibilities.
Unreciprocated relationships can occur for several reasons. Unconsciously making unavailability a prerequisite for falling in love is like insisting on going swimming only in dry deserts – it’s never going to work. As discussed in my blog Unrequited Love – Patterns, if you have been doing this, or you suspect you have, at least become conscious of it and reflect that it’s a self-defeating strategy. Of course, it is possible that the other person simply does not share your feelings and there isn’t any deeper reason or explanation. These things just happen. But, if you find that you have become obsessed to the point of dysfunction or that unrequited love is a recurring pattern in your life, you may want to look at this list and consider the possibility of its relevance to your life.
The Hollywood Factor: Romance and Idealization
For centuries, cinema has been perpetuating the stories that we have been listening to. Narrative arts and romantic films are inspirational. As discussed in my blog Impact of Cinema on Unrequited Lovers, we start dreaming about and expecting to go through the same conflicting emotions that we watch in movies and hope that our lives will become as transcendental as in the cinema. This is sometimes referred to as the “Hollywood factor” in that you have created the perfect person of your dreams and believe that you are saving all your love for this fantasy. However, since this ‘perfect person’ does not exist, you project this ideal onto the object of your affection and see them as who you want them to be. In this way, an unrequited relationship is safer and easier because getting to know someone for who they really are may shatter your fantasy and destroy your dreams.
Unrequited lovers need to focus on the fact that real life issues are more common, more real, and subsequently less cinematographic. A vampire is never going to come and save you, no matter how shy or silent you may be! Unrequited love, as great and altruistic as it may appear to be in a movie, is the worst thing to be in. It may sound romantic to love someone with your heart and soul, knowing that it is never going to be reciprocated, the truth is – it hurts. Unrequited love hurts so much that is becomes unbearable. When your heart is breaking inside with the feeling of rejection, or to see your beloved fall in love with someone else, the pain is almost physical.
Low Self Esteem or Lack of Self Worth
Maybe, deep down within yourself, you do not believe that you are worthy of love. This may be an attitude that was instilled in you in childhood or the result of a previously damaging relationship. Because of this low self-worth, you find yourself attracted to people whom you know are not likely to return your feelings. Since you believe that you don’t deserve their love anyway, this is disappointing and discouraging, but not surprising. You feel trapped in a cycle of constantly pursuing relationships that resemble the unfulfilling one you had with your parents or other significant people in your life. I have always said in my blogs that finding love in someone who doesn’t want to reciprocate the feeling is looking beyond the universe, because you are the universe; everything is within you. The best relationship is your relationship with yourself. The best experiences in life manifest with the highest levels of self-love and self-esteem. Because you are the Universe, you are the world, just start right here within your heart. You may read about this in detail in my blog Relationships and Spirituality.
Fear of Commitment and Intimacy
You may have commitment or attachment issues associated with your childhood or previous relationships, and by choosing someone who is unavailable or who will not likely return your love, you are ensuring that you will not have to face this fear. Relationships from afar are a great avoidance technique. As discussed previously, however, if commitment is a problem for you, unrequited love is your best friend. This is especially true if you’ve never disclosed your true feelings to the other person. You can continue to love them without any demands or commitments. The choice is entirely yours to make.
Loving someone doesn’t guarantee that you will be loved back. Don’t let it ruin you. There is a silver lining to this cloud too! Please leave your comments in the message section.