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Why Unattainable Love?

Why Unattainable Love?

Whatever you are as an individual, so is the universe that you create around you. The neighbours, friends, family, home, city and environment you live in, everything in your life is literally a reflection of you. If you feel that your life is a mess, or that the person you love doesn’t love you back and this is making everything in your life negative, incomplete and unwanted, then you need to do some deep soul searching. From a quantum creating perspective, the more we allow ourselves to fall under the spell of unattainable love, the more we vibrate with unfulfilled longing, and the more the universe will mirror that and send us more of the same. As discussed in my blog More About Relationships and Karma, the Universe is a reflection of you.

Tennov says that distance intensifies limerence and makes the limerent do anything possible to be around their beloved and overcome any obstacle to stay close to them. This also makes them imagine certain actions of the limerent object to be especially favourable and meant only for them. They even cook stories in their mind with those thoughts and tend to draw fabricated inferences from the words of their beloved. Scholars suggest that limerence can happen to anyone- this includes all age groups, both genders, and those from various socioeconomic levels. One of the most effective approaches to eradicating limerence is to completely disconnect from the paramour, which in this context, is an unattainable love object, like a celebrity.

Until we fall in love with someone who cannot be ours, no matter what, an unattainable love, we believe that love is not supposed to hurt, but it is often through pain that we grow and evolve the most. Heartbreak actually breaks the heart open, giving you a greater capacity to feel more love and compassion, if you do not close your heart because of fear of pain. As I have discussed in my blog Looking Beyond Unrequited Love, get into the habit of self-hypnotically projecting your mind into the future – to a time when you can look back to the present and wonder what all the fuss was about.

This is a great way to actually start to naturally feel better – above and beyond all the ‘good sensible advice’. Getting out of the pit is the next step. When we’re in love, even if it’s with our own imaginative version of a person, it’s easy to wallow in romantic fiction, poems about undying love. But overdoing this can cause you further problems. If you’re really suffering because of your unattainable love passions, this is akin to rubbing salt into a lacerated wound repeatedly. It’s gonna hurt.

You can allow this to harden you against love, scar you and embitter you, which will cause you pain for the rest of this lifetime; it will also create the karma of pain that will bind you to this person, and which you will have to overcome in a subsequent lifetime in order to be together again. Or, you can take this situation as a gift that you have been given, to show you how deeply you can love. You can use this to enable you to attract another soul with whom you can share deep intimate love and partnership. One of the best ways to heal from the toxic feeling of unattainable love is to make new friends who bring happiness to your life. Seek out people with similar interests who make you feel good about yourself. Attend community events or spend time with other friends who can introduce you to new people. Being a little pushy is alright. If you meet someone you want to be friends with, don’t be shy. Extend invitations. A genuine friendship can take you a long way in feeling better and getting over the feeling of rejection that happened due to your distorted feelings.

It is another person’s choice to not be lovers, but it is your choice to love them and accept them unconditionally anyway, instead of succumbing to an unattainable love obsession. Now this is divine love! Know that it is alright and this too shall pass.

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