Unrequited Love and Loss of Friendship.
“I have to admit, unrequited love is so much better than a real one. I mean, it’s perfect… As long as something is never even started, you never have to worry about it ending. It has endless potential.”
― Sarah Dessen, The Truth About Forever
An unexpected end of friendship caused by unrequited love can leave you feeling bewildered, lost, sad and alone, because friends are an important part of everyone’s life. Unlike family, we choose our friends and hence every one of them is important in their own way. When feelings change from friendship to love, your friendship may have to eventually end, either because of a direct confrontation or dead silence. And when a friendship ends, it hurts! While I agree that it hurts, I also believe that life moves on. It does not stop. There are no promises you won’t experience this again, yet, there are ways to get over it so you can handle it better the next time.
While you don’t want to ruminate over your lost friends to the point of depression, it’s okay to wonder what might have gone wrong. Allow yourself to feel your pain and loneliness. At the same time, avoid taking it personally. Just as you own your reactions to being abandoned, your one-time friend owns personal reasons for leaving. Remind yourself that when someone leaves a relationship unexpectedly, it is usually about that person.
Plan the Future
Keep your emotions out, yet, plan ahead, in case your former friend tries to rekindle the friendship of it. Doing so will help you to come to terms with whether the friendship was, in fact, good for you. Ask yourself what kind of friend the person really was and how you are feeling without this individual’s influence in your life. You will find your answers within.
Take a break from activities you might have done together and try something new. This will act as the much-needed respite to gain your strength and get to know new people. Despite what you might be feeling on the inside, a look of confidence and nonchalance will likely be enough to give you a small boost of confidence as you muddle through the awkward moment. Be polite, without appearing desperate, if you happen to run into your former friend.
You are going to be very tempted to call your ex-friend/beloved get answers. Remember it’s not going to help you in the long run. Instead, I would recommend writing a goodbye letter to your friend. Write anything and everything that you want to say. How it felt when you were friends, all the good moments that you spent together and how you miss those times. Include what hurts and what you think could have happened if this friendship did not end this way. What you like about the person and what you wish could have been different. Include all of your feelings and cry your eyes out if you feel the need to. Then put the letter in a safe place.
Give yourself closure. It is very important to officially end your friendship. This will help you process your emotions. If you wrote the individual a goodbye letter or wrote in your journal about the ending of your friendship, bring it out, gather old pictures and mementos, get rid of and then place them in a box. When you feel most at peace, say goodbye and let it go as you shred or burn the contents of the box.
Ending Friendship over unrequited love:
When you develop feelings for a friend, your relationship will go through a lot of difficulties.
Should you admit your feelings, or keep them to yourself? And if you are have confessed your feelings and that they do not feel the same, will things ever be the same? A crush is basically robust, intense feelings for somebody, and it always lasts for three to four months. If you suddenly have these feelings for a friend, my recommendation is to allow yourself some space for those three to four months. Unrequited love for a friend at most times leads to a loss of friendship, which would have been otherwise great if these feelings had not developed.
How do we maintain a friendly relationship if those feelings are not reciprocated?
The key is honesty. After you attempt to avoid your feelings, they will rework into completely different negative behaviors you may not remember—your words and actions are what count once it involves your interaction with others.
Put some boundaries around your heart, because the friendly relationship that you shared with that person has come to a different level which has to be handled with care and trust if you don’t want to lose that person who was once a friend, but now you have developed feelings, but you don’t get the same love in return. You need to understand that you have to be compelled to let that go. Give yourself a break, try to be at peace with yourself. If being with that person troubles you makes you sad, you may choose to break the friendship and stay apart because ultimately, it’s your self-love at the end of the day which keeps you going.
Assess your agenda. After you became friends with this person, was your intention indeed friendship? If that is the case, you need to own that, take responsibility for your feelings.
It is not easy to be a best friend to the person you love. It causes a tremendous amount of pain not to be able to fulfill your desire for a soulmate partnership with your beloved on an intimate level. It is normal for unrequited lovers to be confused about their best friend’s feelings and keep expecting their feelings to be reciprocated. You cannot override another person’s boundaries, so you have the choice of whether to continue to love them as a friend or to let go of the friendship altogether. This raises the important question that I am discussing here- should you be (just) friends with someone you’re madly in love with?
While I want my love partner to be my best friend, I, personally, would not be able to be just friends with someone I love. I feel I would not be able to do justice to that friendship, in the sense that I would not be happy to see him find a soulmate in someone else, I would not be happy to see him married to someone else, etc. However, that is my personal view. Whether you can handle being a friend to your beloved depends on how you can overcome your own desire and allow it to transcend into divine love as opposed to personal love. And if you are able to do that, you have attained a different level of spirituality in unrequited love!