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Unrequited Love and Loneliness

Unrequited Love and Loneliness.

As extensively as I have been discussing unrequited love, you may have been wondering why I have yet to mention loneliness in the discussion. Isn’t love a perfectly good solution to loneliness? Does that go to say that all forms of love are helpful in getting over loneliness? While love is the deepest, strongest bond we can have with another person, unrequited love mostly becomes the reason for a lover to be lonely, sad and depressed. Love is the basis of all relationships that matter. Unrequited one way love comes in different degrees, of course, from the temporary infatuation to the deeply felt, all-consuming one way love-me-or-I’ll-die unbridled passion or love obsession. As discussed in my post Distraction and Fantasies in Unrequited Love, one way unrequited love is just like falling in love, really, except it’s not reciprocated. And as you may well be aware, falling in love can pretty much make you a peculiar brand of crazy! Rapid as no other fixation would ever be, your ability to continue goes crazy. Discontinuously, you may attempt to separate yourself from your very controlling fixation. But it consistently returns, first perhaps as a reverberation, then a constantly infringing drumbeat, then at last a sonic blast difficult to disregard.

It is quite easy to fall in love with someone who’s completely inappropriate for you. You could love someone who doesn’t love you back. When we fall in love with someone, in our eyes he or she becomes infused with an almost surreal importance. It can be hard to tell where you end and they begin and initially you like it that way. Majestic, heightened state of love has a flip side, one with which we’re all too familiar-Love is ever-changing. Love absolutely brings people together, however, you could fall in love with someone who’s not available. You could love someone passionately for a short period of time and then watch the relationship fizzle for reasons you don’t fully understand.

Another important sign of one way love in the border land of unrequited love obsession is displaying relentlessness. Although there are times when a perseverant attitude is beneficial, it becomes a problem when you refuse to take ‘no’ for an answer and will not accept the other person’s decisions. You cannot control the feelings of another and you most certainly cannot make or force someone to love you. It is the ‘mate’ part of soulmate where people often fall short. If you try to forcefully form a soulmate relationship with someone, you confuse yourself and the other person by adding sex to the equation. Things eventually fall apart. The simple truth is that a soulmate relationship is formed naturally and it takes time to build because it is based on trust and complete dedication to each other. The emotional availability of our beloved is absolutely fundamental to whether this love is going to cause pain or bring happiness to us.

In spite of all of this, some love relationships, like marriage, friendship etc. are excellent opportunities to create closeness. A marriage, especially, is an explicit commitment this is a great advantage that is has over other relationships. It is one strong social, emotional and physical bond that both partners decide to form for a lifetime. This creates an environment of deliberateness—of conscious choosing—very conducive to creating closeness.

That said, when a married couple falls apart, it is one of the most difficult social and emotional situations to handle. It’s not easy to decide to part and it is not easy to stay together. Mostly there are friends and family to help. But certain things have to be dealt with on a personal level.  Especially when there are children involved. There are assets and custodies to think about. All of these things make it difficult for you to move on. There is never going to be a clear answer to all the questions in your head. The only way to know is to ask yourself “am I happy”? If the answer is “yes”, stay. If the answer is “no”, remember, your assets and custodies will not bring you happiness. If they had the capability to do that, your answer to the above question would be “yes”.

Sending you light for a happy life. Please leave your comments in the message section, they are my inspiration.



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