Unrequited Love and Closeness.

It’s not just unrequited love that’s largely outside of our understanding. Expectant parents will attest to the fact that we can love someone before he’s even born. We can love people after they die. Hence, it is difficult to expect an unrequited lover to move on if their love is not returned. Whom we love- when, where, how, and why we love, is largely outside our control.

As discussed in my post Unrequited Love and Loneliness, it is quite easy to fall in love with someone who’s completely inappropriate for you. You could love someone who doesn’t love you back. When we fall in love with someone, in our eyes he or she becomes infused with an almost surreal importance. It can be hard to tell where you end and they begin and initially you like it that way. Majestic, heightened state of love has a flip side, one with which we’re all too familiar-Love is ever-changing. Love absolutely brings people together, however, you could fall in love with someone who’s not available. You could love someone passionately for a short period of time and then watch the relationship fizzle for reasons you don’t fully understand.

So, the notion that love is a reliable solution to loneliness is a myth because, simply put: Love is a mystery but loneliness is not. It’s time to let go of damaging self-assessment and get on with positive self-assessment. My articles are never intended to beat you up but to help you see where your relationship is going wrong and to do something about the one thing you can do something about: you. When you are leaving a relationship where someone doesn’t love you anymore or failing to move further in a relationship because someone won’t or can’t love you or not getting into a relationship because someone isn’t attracted to you, there is a hit to the self-esteem. It is not just about loneliness. It’s a rejection that stings.

Closeness is useful in a way that love is not. If you do certain tangible things with a receptive partner, you will see tangible results. The more effort you put into it, the more you will get out of it. We can pick up methods for creating closeness because we know what generates closeness between people, and what doesn’t. I don’t think anyone can say the same about love. Love certainly reduces loneliness, given the right circumstances, but it also increases loneliness under unfavorable ones, like when it is unrequited. Closeness, unlike love, always works toward reducing loneliness.

Being too desperate to get into a relationship is a classic and universal relationship mistake, leading to unrequited love. Time is running out, biological clocks are noisily ticking like estrogen-filled time bombs threatening to explode, and panic sets in. Wanting a relationship is not the same as wanting to be in a relationship with a particular person. If you get too hung up on wanting a relationship as a general idea, you may fall into the trap of unrequited love.

Flinging yourself at the first vaguely available or non-available creature to enter the room means putting potential partners off, if they sense you’re as desperate as Gollum was for the One Ring. What do you do? Remember the words of the song ‘You Can’t Hurry Love’ and don’t. Slow down. Starting a relationship with someone just to have a relationship, is like setting out on a voyage without checking for rot, poor engine performance, sea worthiness, and your legal rights. And in the long run, if you have one eye on the stopwatch, starting up with the wrong person wastes more time. one of the most difficult things about unrequited love is to come to terms with the fact that your love is never going to find its destination in your beloved. The most important point to understand here is that this does not mean there is something wrong with you. Think about a star or a celebrity who you know was in love with someone who never loved them back. They are intelligent, rich, smart and all that you think is required for someone to fall in love with you. But they were not loved back. Why? Because it was just not meant to be for them, just like this was not meant to be for you!