Unrequited Love and Desperation.

Did you know that acting desperate is a guaranteed way to turn off the person you might be romantically interested in? Trust me when I say this. All those made-up compliments are not going to help you get the person’s attention, so refrain. A compliment here or there is fine, but constant attention is a sign of desperation and no one with some sense likes that.

Desperation is a cruel beast. The more desperate you are, the more desperate you’ll seem, and the less sexy you’ll be. Once it gets you, it grows like an evil love-fungus. Now, I am discussing this because a lot of times we get into a relationship that starts normally, with all the love in the air, and violins playing in the background, but after some time, one of the partners suddenly switches off, becomes disinterested, leaving the other in unrequited love. Feeling lonely and crying over spilled milk is not going to help.

Desperation might be the vicious circle to blame. Desperation for the company of your beloved when you are together and desperation to get them back or find someone else to love, after you have broken up. Stop it. We all want to be loved, to belong, to take care and be taken care of. But this does not mean you turn desperate if it’s missing and throw yourself in unrequited love. Tell you what, the way to avoid or break this wheel of misfortune is to pretend like you’re not desperate at all. Practise it, conscious creation of a lie. Once you learn how to fake confidence, you’ll start to act and feel more confident, and then you wouldn’t have to be desperate anymore.

Be confident. If you aren’t, it comes streaming out of your body language and wibbly tone of voice. Walk like you own the world. Did you know that women are around 10 times better at reading body language than men are? So, whatever your gender, keep this in mind and use it to your benefit. If you are a woman, trust yourself to find a confident man, and you will never again be in unrequited love. If you are a man, improve your body language to have women falling for you.

Here’s another tip – the next time you’re at a party, or wherever it is that you are looking for love or attention, watch the body language of the winners. Anyone that you think is famous with the opposite gender, watch them and see what they do and you don’t, and start following it. I am not advising you to start smoking like them, to look cool. I only mean develop your personality, the outer you, to fit into the surrounding world. Look at everything from the way they hold their glass to the angle of their hips and shoulders. Pay attention to their every move.

Do you see a similarity/dissimilarity between the winners’ posture and your own? Let me share the pointers:

• Fast movements convey nervousness and skittishness, so slow your movements down to give an impression of control and self-confidence.
• Hunched shoulders are a sign of nerves, a key symptom of neediness, so lift back and relax your shoulders.
• Look the person in the eye. Don’t look away. Unless you show desperation in the look, it is not going to feel uncomfortable and intrusive to the other person, so don’t worry.
• The person will get the impression that you’re dead confident – in the workplace, in a conversation and in bed.
• People who can’t maintain eye contact seem shifty and nervous, so learn to hold a gaze for at least as long as it takes to make the other person look away. They will love it, believe me.
• Talking too much or sharing too much information is a sign of insecurity. So, speak less, listen more. The worst thing you can do is to ear-ache the other person with fascinating facts about yourself. Give them a chance to make up their mind about you. One of the biggest markers of desperation is babblers and braggers sounding like they’re trying too hard to impress.

As I have always said – love yourself. The most important relationship in life is your relationship with yourself. A person who does not love himself is a weak carrier of love to the other individual. He has insecurities and fears that eventually destroy the relationship and leave you in unrequited love. So, before anything else, learn to love yourself.