Understanding Unattainable Love.

You lose yourself and find it incredibly hard to get out and find yourself again. It’s difficult and it can get very overwhelming but you are forced to face the music. Every single day in unattainable love, you find yourself caught in limbo. it’s very frustrating to know that your life diverges in a way that there is no path that the two of you could walk together.

Finding someone who is real, your equal, someone who likes you just the way you are, and who makes you feel happy and connected rather than miserable and frustrated. You may know this person already, though it doesn’t matter. I have been writing extensively about ways to get over unrequited love and this series of articles, I am covering a specific kind of unrequited love – unattainable love. My unsolicited advice is to seek healthy relationships based on equality. All I want you to do is to just keep your heart open to the possibility of finding someone who can reciprocate your feelings and build a mutual relationship, instead of falling in unattainable love, which is falling in love with someone who can never be yours, no matter what. open your mind to the possibility that you could be mistaken in assuming you can only have a relationship with a person who fits exactly what you have imagined. and remember that you need a relationship with a real-life person, not a phantasm of your own making.

We need to understand that, at times, love is not enough after all. Didn’t you know all along that you were falling in love with someone who could never be yours? They have a different life, dreams and ambitions, even if you loved each other and thought that love would be enough to make things work despite the differences.

At times, you wish you could go back in time and just tell yourself to make some compromise. Maybe you could have convinced yourself to make some amendments to your notions of love. Perhaps, if you changed who you were and what you wanted out of life, you could have chosen a better person to fall in love with, instead of choosing unattainable love. Or maybe, if you changed who you were, you wouldn’t have remained the person you fell in love with in the first place. This kind of thoughts could keep you up at night. These ideas continue to wrack your brain because while on the outside, you may look like you’re fine, deep down, you’re not. You will be okay eventually, just know that.

Unfortunately, we are not as well informed about taking care of the emotional wounds as we are about the physical wounds. We know, deep down, we’ll never truly capture this particular heart. But we don’t hesitate to rake ours over the coals, hoping against hope they’ll match our love eventually. Why do we try so hard when all signs point to disappointment? The fact of the matter is that love isn’t supposed to hurt. It’s only in the wanting of someone who doesn’t reciprocate our affections that pain creeps in. It has been proven that a broken heart is not just a metaphor. When a person is emotionally hurt, it is the same as a physical wound. It needs to be taken care of and it needs to heal as well.

Researchers have found that a person in unattainable love is seldom aware of what the object of love is going through. They vaguely sense that there is feeling is unwelcome, but they are so preoccupied with the catastrophe of their doomed passion that they are incapable of sparing sympathy or compassion towards anyone else; even towards the love object. Unfortunately, persistence in spite of rejection, irrational and inappropriate behaviour are considered justified in case of unrequited love, which our cultural ideologies would not encourage otherwise. We mostly never worry about how uncomfortable unrequited love is, for the rejecter. Do we not feel guilty after rejecting someone?

Everyone sympathises with the lover and we often see movies and novels written on the topic. However, surprisingly, nobody ever talks about the other side – the rejecter. Oddly, we tend to completely forget about the other party and ignore the rejecter.

Moved on after a heartbreak? Do share your experience in the comments section and I will include it in my next post.