The Physical Pain of Unrequited Love.

It is believed that romantic love developed to focus one’s mating energy on just one individual while attachment works to tolerate this individual long enough to raise children together. It has also been studied that romantic love, especially unrequited love, is a stronger craving than sex. People don’t kill themselves if they do not get sex when they want it, but it is not adaptive to be without the person you are in unrequited love with, and hence, a love deprived lover needs more attention in terms of getting over the situation, than, probably, a sex deprived husband/wife. To have a better understanding of the types of relationships that will form a part of your life and how to work with relationship chemistry, will help you find your soulmate; someone who will match down to the depths of your soul.

Unfortunately, it is true that social exclusion contributes to a broad range of maladaptive, pathological and antisocial patterns. But if the rejection experience is followed by an apparent opportunity to make a new friend, then rejected people seem extra willing to exert themselves to respond positively. It’s human to desire things we can’t get. This is equally applicable to unattainable romantic partners. Why is the unattainable so hot? The standard answer is that The Unattainable is in some sense rare and that makes it so precious. Rare things are valuable. When we hold someone valuable, we want that man or woman we can’t get.

Previously excluded people have been found to be more likely to shower the new partner with compliments and gifts, more co-operative than others and are quick at self-regulating, under promising circumstances. They view others as potentially friendly, as being accepted socially is what they have been looking for all along. The first step is to know that you are hurt and you need to be taken care of. Take care of yourself just like you would if you were physically hurt, but in a different way.

While it hurts to be rejected, it is not just painful but shameful too. You feel like you are not worth being loved, that there is something lacking in you. This starts to break your confidence and make things worse to handle. If you feel that your life is a mess, or that the person you love doesn’t love you back and this is making everything in your life negative, incomplete and unwanted, then you need to do some deep soul searching. Whatever you are as an individual, so is the universe that you create around you. The neighbours, friends, family, home, city and environment you live in, everything in your life is literally a reflection of you. Get over yourself for a while and look around. You will find that you are not the only one to have suffered from unrequited love. If you look around, you will find at least 5 people you know personally who have been rejected in love or whose love has not been returned.

One of the most difficult things about unrequited love is to come to terms with the fact that your love is never going to find its destination in your beloved. The most important point to understand here is that this does not mean there is something wrong with you. Think about a star or a celebrity who you know was in love with someone who never loved them back. They are intelligent, rich, smart and all that you think is required for someone to fall in love with you. But they were not loved back. Why? Because it was just not meant to be for them, just like this was not for you.

If you keep separating yourself from the rest of the world and keep repeating – why me, you will further damage yourself by indulging in unwanted and self-destructive habits. Refrain. 95% of the world has gone through this. You are not the only one.

Rejection is incredibly painful. But there are emotions we need to feel before we learn lessons we need to learn – falling in love with the wrong person is one of them.

I hope my blog helps you in understanding unrequited love better. Please leave your comments to share more experiences and i will add them in my future articles!