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Revolutionising Unrequited Love

Revolutionising Unrequited Love.

When unrequited lovers decide to confront and talk about the situation, they take the first step towards getting out of the vicious circle of one-way love. If you are in one-way love and have decided to talk about it to your beloved, a friend, a therapist or anyone that you trust, know that during these talks you are going to learn about yourself, which is of primary importance. You will also learn that in the very process of learning there is action. As discussed in my previous article, it is important to note that understanding is not too different from immediate action.

When an unrequited lover listens without any intention, without any barrier, putting aside all opinions, conclusions and experiences – then, in that state they not only understand whether what is being said is true or false, but further, if it is true, there is immediate action, if it is false, there is no action at all. The very act of learning is the act of doing, it is not a matter of learning first and acting afterwards. In other words, when you discuss your feelings with someone, you are listening to yourself and understanding how you feel. That is when you realise how hurtful the situation has been for you and you realise that it is time to act.

For unrequited lovers and all of us, learning implies the accumulation of ideas. When a lover learns how lonely they have been in one-way love, they realise the importance of finding love that is reciprocated. This is when they formulate ideas that become rationalized and carefully worked-out thoughts. This is our life – we formulate first and then try to act according to that formulation. Learning helps formulate a structure of ideas and having established a formula of ideas, ideals or conclusions, we act. So, there is action separate from idea. But we are concerned with something entirely different, which is, that the act of learning is action.

Depression is a mood disturbance characterized by feelings of sadness, despair, and discouragement resulting from some personal loss or tragedy. It can become an abnormal emotional state and lead to exaggerated feelings of sadness, despair, and discouragement out of proportion with reality. As I have written in my article Addicted to Grief, although emotional pain is different from physical pain, a break-up or rejection literally crushes your heart in a way that you feel it breaking inside your chest like it was physically happening.

Then again you are angry at yourself for being in that situation and resort to destructive means, like smoking, drinking and in extreme cases, even attempt to commit suicide. Some unrequited lovers see just one, tragically final way of escaping the ordeal – suicide. There are four major depressive symptoms; emotional, cognitive, motivational and somatic. A depressed individual is affected by these symptoms, dependently or independently of each other. In fact, when one set begins to affect the individual another starts reinforcing the depressive effect. Eventually, the emotional and cognitive clusters affect the motivational symptoms causing paralysis of sanity and/or psychomotor retardation.

It is important to understand that we are not formulating any philosophy. We are concerned with bringing about in our lives a total revolution which has nothing whatever to do with the structure of society and socials beliefs about unrequited love. On the contrary, unless we understand the whole psychological structure of society of which we are part, which we have put together through centuries, and are entirely free from that structure, there can be no total psychological revolution – and a revolution of that kind is absolutely essential for unrequited lovers.

Deliberately going for someone with ‘dysfunctional features’ that match characteristics of someone with whom you had a past destructive relationship and then later wondering where it all went wrong, is another mistake that a lot of unrequited lovers make. What to do if you’re chronically pursuing a mate who is obviously flawed to the extent that relationships will be painful and doomed? The least you can do is to admit this to yourself and not be surprised when such relationships ‘always go wrong’. Knowing your patterns is the first step to changing them.

I will write more about this in my future articles. Please leave your comments in the message section. We are here to help.

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