Handling Yourself in Unattainable Love.
Love seems to be everywhere and it is a great thing. But only when it is reciprocated. Unattainable love is not something that you want to experience, trust me. It hurts! As I have written in my article Addicted to Grief, although emotional pain is different from physical pain, a break-up or rejection literally crushes your heart in a way that you feel it breaking inside your chest like it was physically happening. Then again you are angry at yourself for being in that situation and resort to destructive means, like smoking, drinking and in extreme cases, even attempt to commit suicide. Some unrequited lovers see just one, tragically final way of escaping the ordeal – suicide.
Everywhere you look, you see couples in love. Now, while you are in a (healthy) relationship too, you seldom notice others, however, when you are alone, single, rejected, you inadvertently end up looking at couples, longing to be in love, hold hands, to care and be cared for etc. Relationships truly are great but if you are single and missing the joys of a relationship, you often become obsessed about falling in love.
The concept of unrequited love may sound out of date. But, as evidenced by the huge number of people searching the term online, human concerns haven’t really changed all that much since good old Will Shakespeare purportedly wrote “Love is the most beautiful of dreams and the worst of nightmares.”
When alone, you want to experience the joy of togetherness so much that the obsession can really get in your way of finding love. There can be extreme mood swings in this stage of life. One minute you feel insecure because you’ve not had sex for four months, and the next minute you’re thinking about the object of love, who betrayed you, or never loved you. Now, you are going to laugh at me for this, but you can truly program your mind to think a certain way. It just needs willpower. You can break this wheel of misfortune and avoid mood swings and feeling sad for yourself, by pretending like you’re not desperate at all. Learn to fake confidence. And once you’ve mastered this art, the opposite gender is going to be all over you.
Start thinking like a winner. Some psychological techniques help you radiate control and self-assurance, and are brilliant for boosting your confidence. These two qualities bring the opposite gender flocking. And while I am not trying to teach you to be a certain way to get attention of the opposite gender, this will eventually bring you closer to finding the right partner for life.
A visualisation technique is meant to picture yourself chatting with a prospective date, with wit and eloquence. Imagine the other person looking extremely interested in you. Use this technique before you chat up a woman or meet her for a blind date. Picture yourself with a strong, confident posture, radiating an attractive aura. This is going to remain in your mind as the ‘way to perform’ when you are on the actual date.
Desperation is not sexy! There is a fine line between being happily involved and acting desperate. The more desperate you are, the more desperate you’ll seem, and the less sexy you’ll be. That said, by making yourself available to unattainable love, you are giving yourself to a person who doesn’t care about you. What are you getting in return? Any time the person asks you to get together you are willing to rearrange your schedule to be with him. Accepting every invitation especially those that are on late notice, shows the other person you don’t have much going on aside from him. You are always at his beck and call. Don’t get me wrong, it is good to make time for the person you are in a relationship with, but if you are always available, it can be a sign of desperation. The trouble with being available for someone unattainable is that you will never really be able to get close to them, no matter how much you give to the relationship. They are being dishonest and with you at a fundamental level.
In other words, you make yourself available to those you wouldn’t otherwise give a second look. If you drop your standards to date the guy or girl who doesn’t have desirable traits, it can be a sign of desperation. You know what you deserve. Don’t settle for less. When you date someone who falls below your standards, you are settling for someone who doesn’t deserve you.
Be yourself and be true to who you are. They should love you for you.