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Encouraging Self in Unrequited Love

Encouraging Self in Unrequited Love.

Neediness in unrequited love hinders your ability to be loving and giving, and makes you a perpetual taker. I am not saying that only unrequited lovers are needy. As discussed in my previous blog Unrequited Love – Improvement, we’re all needy at some time or the other, but constant neediness makes it virtually impossible to form a healthy relationship and can make you unattractive to the other person.

This may come as a big surprise, but, you really don’t need your needs! I know some of you are laughing at me now. But trust me, it’s true! So let go of your perceived needs. Take help from my previous articles. If you have been following my previous articles, by now you should have a good understanding of the fundamentals of unrequited love and associated psychology and you would know that each one of my articles will inspire you to form a healthy relationship where both of you are totally in love with each other. It might be wise to re-read those articles, or bookmark them to grab back whenever you encounter a subject that I have written about!

In this series, I am writing about ways to get over unrequited love and the next piece of my (unsolicited) advice is – give yourself some space. Emotionally, mentally and physically distance yourself from the other person. This is a very basic advice about unrequited love- resistance. Resist the temptation to call or text the other, ‘arrange’ chance meetings or think about him/her. Allow yourself the time and space to break the connecting cords or feel the loss and recover from it, in case of broken relationships and rejection. When an individual’s relationship with self is dysfunctional, he gives power to other people by allowing cords of energy to tie him to those people. Similarly, when an unrequited lover madly pursues his beloved, he is actually giving the object of love the power to control him. As I have mentioned in my blog Separation and Unrequited Love, when you start making a connection with yourself, you realise that there is much more to you than this relationship that is holding you back from discovering the actual you. Separation may seem truly painful at times and not so painful at other times. It is because of the constant fight between intensities and beliefs of the visible you and the actual you. The deeper you connect with yourself, the clearer you will be able to see what you want. You are not doing yourself any favors by continually re-opening wounds or revisiting painful feelings.


Get Involved in Other Activities

Unrequited love often causes you to neglect the other relationships in your life. You may even become withdrawn or cut yourself off from social activities. But, it is vitally important that you find ways to constructively fill your time and surround yourself with family and friends who will offer understanding and support. It sounds trite, but you must get your mind off the unrequited love, stop dwelling on it, and redirect your energy to something more effective such as a hobby or newly set goal. Exercise, take a vacation, plan some outings with friends, or even start dating again. After all, you will never meet someone who will love and accept you if you are not open to other possibilities of companionship and emotional intimacy.

Keep and Encourage Your Own Sense of Humor

Yep, unrequited love is a difficult situation. Yep, it can hurt something terrible. That, however, is no excuse to lose your sense of humor! A timeless, shameless classic in the world of movies contains the catchy refrain: “Always look on the bright side of life!” Even if you have no idea which movie I am talking about, just consider staying focused on the lighter side of life. So, make time for fun. A lot of time. Force the issue, if you must. Go play. Be a little bit crazy. Make light of everything. Watch funny movies. Read cartoons. Check out some funny jokes or funny quotes or some other random funny stuff. Remember, there really is a lot of truth to the adage, “Laughter is the best medicine.”

Got something to share? Please write your experiences in the comments section and i will add them to my future blogs.


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