“Lust” That’s a powerful word. Isn’t it? Just put that word on a title anywhere, be it a book, a magazine, or a movie and people have to check it out to see what it is, because people think that they pretty much understand what lust is.
Yet at the same time, sometimes, people confuse love and lust. It’s like ‘Am i in lust or am i in love’ Lust has the reputation for being the flame we jump into. Think of Fifty Shades of Gray classic bad boy or bad girl with all games and danger with no strings attached.
But according to leading love expert Dr. Helen Fisher, lust is the mandatory first stage of love. Without the Desire to want something first we cannot experience intimacy, so how do we know if we’re still stuck in the initial stage of attraction or ready to transition into something more meaningful and long-lasting:
Here are a few key differences between lust versus love.
1. Lust is driven by physical connection whereas love comes from an emotional connection. It all comes down to our brain. Which areas are being activated when you hang out with your partner. Research shows that lust lights up the regions associated with reward and motivation whereas love
stimulates the areas that help you empathize. Lust happens when you and your partner don’t have much to talk about but have great intimate moments. This is common for two people to have not been dating for too long. But Love on the other hand happens when you appreciate your partner for more than just their looks, and can spend meaningful time with them.
LUST IS SELFISH, IT’S THE DESIRE YOU TAKE, WHEREAS LOVE IS SELFLESS, IT’S THE DESIRE TO GIVE.
2. Overtime love grows stronger whereas lust becomes weaker. Psychologist and therapist Shanon Chavez states that as attachment and bonding grow overtime so does love. But lust is more temporary and fades when intimate desires fade away.
If a relationship is based solely on lust, there is inevitably no foundation to fall in love with each other. Lust feels like an overwhelming roller coaster ride but can only be sustained by physical pleasure. When the real world kicksin the dynamic either transitions into love or the relationship begins to fall apart.
3. Lust is based on fantasies. Love however operates on the ground of reality.
Have you ever looked back on past relationships and wondered how on earth you two got together?
Imagination can come in handy when life gets tedious and boring, but more often than not it’s like a double-edged sword.
When you like the idea of someone more than who’s actually in front of you, it can cause you to miss a lot of red flags. Relationship experts state that there is only so much time before reality sets in; it makes you realize that your partner has faults just like you and that your expectations were unfair.
4. In lust, you are romantic partners, but in love, you are lifelong friends. Psychiatrist Judith Orloff discovered that people in lust are just lovers but true love is based on the foundation of strong friendship.
Two people can decide to be in a relationship, go on cute dates and even meet each other’s family, but if they lack commitment, compromise, and trust they fail to understand each other, the prospect of having a future together is very low.
5. Lust is all about thrill seeking whereas love is the pursuit of stability. Researchers have looked at the MRI scans of people in lust and found that their brains looked similar when an addict gets a fix of cocaine.
But that’s why infatuation is not likely to last as long as love. The drug effects wear off when you can no longer satiate your sexual desires. Whereas lust is about instant gratification, love is the relentless search for stability.
6. Lust is selfish but love comes from a selfless phase. When you love someone, you focus more on helping them reach their goals and care about their health and well-being. Lust, on the other hand, is all about your own wants like boosting your ego when you’re next to your attractive partner or simply fulfilling your sexual desires.
In order to move from the initial stage of lust to love, you must determine whether you could see yourself doing favors or making sacrifices for your partner.
Do you think you’re in lust or in love?
Always remember “MAKING LOVE DOES NOT MAKE IT LOVE”
Love is not what happens in the back seat of the car. Love is not a feeling. Love is not an intercourse. It’s a value you placed on somebody else. The lust part of us is always thinking about pleasure not relationship. The person who talks about lust wants all the emotional and physical needs met, temporarily and it can be with “any” appropriate partner and it is relatively short-lived.
Talking of Love, Dr. Robert Sternberg says that love has three basic components- Intimacy, passion and commitment. Love is about knowing each other’s vulnerable side and accepting it. Love is choosing the same person every day. Love is built on trust. Love is pure.
Remember that just because you might only be experiencing lust, doesn’t mean that your feelings can’t develop into love.