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Appreciating Unrequited Love

Appreciating Unrequited Love.

If you are the one who fell and fell hard, there is nearly nothing worse than unrequited love. Things may seem grim, I’m not going to lie, and it feels like the world just tipped off of its axis and sent you hurdling, but there is hope and there is healing, after the pain. We have all felt it before, that hole in our chest that seethes with pain as you realize the object of your affection, the one you’ve bared your heart and soul to, does not return the feeling.

Not just romantic love or unrequited love, but most forms and kinds of love are largely outside of our understanding. We can love people after they die. We can love someone before he’s even born, expectant parents will attest to this fact. Whom we love, when, where, how, and why we love, is largely outside our control. Love is a feeling that cannot be clearly defined or understood, so the notion that love is a reliable solution to loneliness is a myth.

When we are able to give our love freely, when just to love someone feels like appreciation of self, without any strings attached; that is the state of loving detachment. It is very important for unrequited lovers to understand this form of love, because if you are able to love with detachment, the one-way love will not have as much negative impact on you. If you are able to love the unavailable object like we love the beauty of the setting sun, knowing that this beauty belongs to nature and we can only watch it, and let it have the calming effect on, without expecting anything else, then unrequited love does not encumber you. It does not pull energy from you. It simply Loves.

From a quantum creating perspective, the more we allow ourselves to fall under the spell of unrequited love, the more we vibrate with unfulfilled longing, and the more the universe will mirror that and send us more of the same. As discussed in my article More About Relationships and Karma, the Universe is a reflection of you. Whatever you are as an individual, so is the universe that you create around you. The neighbours, friends, family, home, city and environment you live in, everything in your life is literally a reflection of you. If you feel that your life is a mess, or that the person you love doesn’t love you back and this is making everything in your life negative, incomplete and unwanted, then you need to do some deep soul searching.

The thoughts and beliefs you entertain affect your emotions, actions, and the decisions. But, only you can change the way you think and the way you view your experiences. Empowerment of self is based on free will, but unrequited love robs your freedom and makes you a ‘victim’ to someone else’s choices. In essence, it dis-empowers you! When we have had enough of longing and unrequited love, we start wondering why our culture is so dysfunctional when it comes to love. The answer is – love is not longing.

Constant flow of thoughts to a particular person, place or thing directs our energy to them, connecting us to that object. In this way, when an unrequited lover constantly thinks about his beloved, cords automatically form between two individuals, sending more energy and becoming thicker and bigger as the lover thinks more about the beloved. This phenomenon attaches the lover’s energy to that object, leading to loss of energy in the lover. This loss of energy is called ‘giving power away’.

Sometimes, memories of the time spent with your beloved, the experiences and effects keep returning to the unrequited lover unnervingly and occupy a large part of their mind space. If there is nothing that you find to connect with your beloved, for example in a movie, a situation or a song, you immediately make-up something in your mind to connect your fantasy to real-life romantic fiction. Interestingly, rejecters and unrequited lovers seem to look back very differently on their experiences of unrequited love. While rejecters carry more negative feelings, surprisingly, the rejected tend to view the experience in a positive light. Rejecters may feel considerable guilt at having turned down a proposal to a romantic attachment and at causing the other person deep emotional pain. They also retain negative feelings of annoyance and anger at the persistence of lovers, much more than the lovers do themselves.

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