Antisocial Patterns in Unrequited Love.

In the hundreds of articles that I have written about unrequited love, rejection and broken relationships, I might have thus far painted a mainly dismal picture of the impact of rejection. So, today I thought of adding a more optimistic note. Unfortunately, it is true that social exclusion contributes to a broad range of maladaptive, pathological and antisocial patterns. But if the rejection experience is followed by an apparent opportunity to make a new friend, then rejected people seem extra willing to exert themselves to respond positively. Previously excluded people have been found to be more likely to shower the new partner with compliments and gifts, more co-operative than others and are quick at self-regulating, under promising circumstances. They view others as potentially friendly, as being accepted socially is what they have been looking for all along.

Dating someone new should be fun, exciting, and enjoyable. If you can monitor and influence your own behaviour during this ‘getting to know’ phase, you have more hope of getting to know whether you and they really will work together without needing to blame anyone if it doesn’t work out. Surely, nobody marries with a plan to separate or divorce. Nobody marries expecting to live with hope deferred. This is why we often find ourselves in unrequited love or sinking relationships, with no understanding of how we reached there. It usually starts with a nice romantic relationship, gradually losing the sheen and turning to something you never wanted it to be. As I have discussed in my blog Hopeless Unrequited Love, by the time you realise something is wrong, it gets so bad, you find it difficult to handle it right and you cannot afford to lose it either, because you are hopelessly in love. There certainly must be some warning signs? What do we miss that could’ve warned us?

There are times when unrequited love can really affect your perception of the world and yourself and thus your self-esteem and your entire life experience. Does the idea of being loved make you uncontrollably happy? So happy that simple friendly behaviour makes you look for signs of love? If yes, you really need to work on improving your self-esteem. How important you are as a person is not, in any way, dependent on being loved by someone of the opposite gender. While it might look like all the stars are loved by a million fans, it is only half of the truth. The other half is that all fans are unrequited lovers, just like you!

There is a reason for everything in life; even with falling in love and finding out that it is going to remain unrequited. Whenever you find yourself madly in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same for you, know that this is happening for a reason. All that happens in our lives and relationships has a reason associated with it. It is the outworking of cause and effect, and the consequences that follow. You would remember reading “history repeats itself”. It is probably history that is repeating itself. You are living it right now. When we are born on this planet, we are given many hints to try to find our way back to the light within. Metaphysically, unfulfilled or one-way love is one of those hints. It tells you- this is an illusion, overcome it. It’s only a matter of time before you realise that you are more complete within yourself than you would be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t care. You want to be happy in love. You don’t want to be hurt and lonely all the time, which is exactly what you get in unrequited love.

Unrequited love hurts. I know – that’s an understatement. It is unequivocally unbounded in light of the fact that never truly having started, there’s been no time for thwarted expectation to set in. The cherished, regularly inaccessible, uninterested, occupied, or unapproachable beloved can remain an object of inconclusive glorification. There is a sure boundlessness in unrequited love. Undiscovered, it has no limits, no end point.

You open your most vulnerable self to another person and, more often than not, you expect you feeling to be reciprocated by the object of your love. But it’s turns out to be wrong.