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A Message for Unrequited Lovers

A Message for Unrequited Lovers.

Don’t let your insecurities get the better of you. Desperation is an ugly little thing that can damage relationships. Desperation will drive potential dates away. Being confident and independent, prioritizing, and doing what’s best for you will pay off. Be proud of who you are and don’t change yourself for someone just to get another date. Be honest with him and yourself. Confidence, however, is a proven trait that will get you more dates and will make you happier in many other aspects of life aside from dating. Confident people are less likely to be in unrequited love.

Unrequited love often causes you to neglect the other relationships in your life. You may even become withdrawn or cut yourself off from social activities. But, it is vitally important that you find ways to constructively fill your time and surround yourself with family and friends who will offer understanding and support. It sounds trite, but you must get your mind off the unreturned love, stop dwelling on it, and redirect your energy to something more effective such as a hobby or newly set goal. Exercise, take a vacation, plan some outings with friends, or even start dating again. After all, you will never meet someone who will love and accept you if you are not open to other possibilities of companionship and emotional intimacy.

When a romantic relationship is terminated, it leaves one of the partners in unrequited love, leading to the beginning of a grieving process. This process causes a narcissistic injury of different levels in different individuals. It leads a person to regress into immature, maladaptive behaviour, even if the individual is known to have strong ego otherwise. On the other hand, people who are less capable of coping with the loss, tend to develop a narcissistic rage which is proportional to the degree of their narcissistic injury. This implies hateful feelings leading to verbal, physical or hidden hatred toward the beloved. Unfortunately, persistence in spite of rejection, irrational and inappropriate behaviour are considered justified in case of unrequited love, which our cultural ideologies would not encourage otherwise. We mostly never worry about how uncomfortable unrequited love is, for the rejecter.

Perhaps your beloved has a fear of commitment or this simply isn’t the right one. We all want someone to share life’s sorrows and joys day in and day out. If this person can’t do it, we need someone who will. Perhaps there is something more troubling such as narcissism or a personality disorder that you have not thought about yet. Too often people hold out hope that the person will change, see the error of their ways, go to counseling and come back to the relationship. That’s a fantasy that usually doesn’t happen. It helps to see what may be keeping you stuck and to accept that it’s not changing any time soon. It’s time to let that one go. A person who walks out or puts you on hold or wants you only as a friend, is not that person. Anyone who has rejected you in any way, for any reason, is not for you.

If you have been reading my previous articles on the subject, by now you have a broad understanding of the subject. Now, it is time to reject the notion that you are expendable. To reject instead of being rejected. If someone’s rejection has led you to believe you’re not worthwhile, that person is not worth your feelings; because is not true! Nobody should get to decide your wort, except you! And whatever your beloved fails to see is not your problem.

Realising that you are in unattainable love and making the required changes doesn’t mean that you’ll lose all emotions for your beloved, but you’ll need to work toward a deeper sense of self. Realize that it’s inevitably going to happen. Society’s message that happiness trumps everything else trips up many youngsters who come to realize they won’t necessarily feel happy forever. We see countless people in love with a celebrity or a star, without understanding that love is more of a choice than a feeling. It’s a choice to look out for the interest of the other person, as much as your own. It’s the choice to be willing to sacrifice for a bigger benefit; to recognize that while there is an emotional aspect of love, love is basically a promise to find fulfilment, no matter what!

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