The Fallacy of Unrequited Love.

While going through separation in unrequited love, it is important to be compassionate. Be true to what you feel and be kind to what the other feels. I have written about this in my article Moving On in Unrequited Love. Be willing to compromise or let go of all that is important – assets, relationships, custodies, etc. In the long run, you will see that everything can be recovered with time; yes, even relationships. If you are going to lose a friend, because of your one-way feelings, so be it. Once you have got your feelings under control, you can always try to be friends again. Money, assets, children, everything will fall into place, with time.

Ultimately no one, I repeat no one can ever know the pain that you are going through. Only you will be facing the consequences of your stand and decision. After all, consciously or subconsciously, you were the one to have brought this on yourself. While it is always easier to give advice than take it, it is equally difficult to see the red flags in unrequited love while we are really quick at locating them in other people’s lives and telling them “I told you so”. To be nakedly honest at least with yourself is vital. Being willing to hear the voice of your higher self, is to come to terms with reality, and reality is absolute, it has no other way but to be true! When you realise the inter-connectedness of apparent opposites – life and death, separation and love, relationship & aloneness, you will know what I mean when I say that separation deepens love; being alone brings the true value of future relationships.

We often hear stories about sexual part of a relationship fading out after a few months or years. In such a situation, when both the partners are still trying to stay together, but one of them is disinterested in sex, the other partner experiences unrequited sex. Too many months of getting into bed with someone who has little interest in sexual sharing lays down a pattern of association between sexual desire and sadness at a lack of reciprocation. This feeling is unrequited sex and it is definitely an association that you don’t want to have. Ever!

Sexual encounters in unrequited love continually nag at the lover reminding them of constantly unfulfilled desire and its shared expression. The gender of the lover doesn’t matter. Both men and women feel sadness washing over them at the sorry realization of such a situation. How many lovers feel like this, I wondered. When your partner gives you a cold shoulder, night after night. When you sit and think about it, there could be many who might be willing to have sex with you, and others who might give open-hearted loving a try, but there are few who would provide both, especially to someone who is already committed to a partner. In this situation, the desiring partner, who is also an unrequited lover, starts feeling there’s something wrong with their sexuality, and then end up acting accordingly.

Showing desperation is a sure-shot way to lose the interest of the opposite gender. Talking too much or sharing too much information is a sign of insecurity. So, speak less, listen more. The worst thing you can do is to ear-ache the other person with fascinating facts about yourself. Give them a chance to make their minds up about you. One of the biggest markers of desperation is babblers and braggers sounding like they’re trying too hard to impress.

There is a sure boundlessness in unrequited love. Undiscovered, it has no limits, no end point. Unrequited love is unequivocally unbounded in light of the fact that never truly having started, there’s been no time for thwarted expectation to set in. The cherished, regularly inaccessible, uninterested, occupied, or unapproachable beloved can remain an object of inconclusive glorification.

As I have always said – love yourself. The most important relationship in life is your relationship with yourself. A person who does not love himself is a weak carrier of love to the other individual. He has insecurities and fears that eventually destroy the relationship and leave you in unrequited love. So, before anything else, learn to love yourself.