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A Little Bit of Unrequited Love

A Little Bit of Unrequited Love.

An indication of an unrequited love story is when your beloved never wavers to solicit favors from you that oblige you to give up your time and commitment, yet when it’s an ideal opportunity to return the favor, he or she never appears to have time or ability. The individual appears to be too occupied with other, more important tasks at hand, and does not see it important to put them aside and be available for you. You might even be told that your expectations are unrealistic and it is unfair on your part to expect the other person to be available for you at your convenience. Remember, if the other person loves you, there cannot be anything more important than being by your side when you need them.

If you read my previous posts, you will find them full of these lessons that I have shared for others to benefit. I have learnt to be careful who I let into my life. Romantic love, as has been explained, is not an emotion. Rather, it’s a motivation system- a need that compels the lover to seek a specific mating partner, it’s a drive, it’s part of the reward system of the brain. The brain links this drive to all kinds of specific emotions depending on how the relationship is going. All the while, the prefrontal cortex is assembling data, putting information into patterns, making strategies, and monitoring the progress toward this great prize of life.

All that glitters is not always gold. I did not become a preacher overnight. I have had my own set of heartbreaks, unrequited love, phases of extreme lows, depression, isolation, standing up again, and being betrayed again. One thing that is pretty certain is that you are not going to let go of a person or a situation unless you are ready for it. And you are probably not going to be ready before you understand what is really going on inside you that keeps you holding on. However, today I believe that in some other lifetime, I had wronged all those people in some way. They came in my life again to settle the karma cycle. They hurt me back, cleared the karma and left. Besides that, they also taught me some lessons- to not be too trusting, to learn to love with detachment, to look for fulfilment within myself, etc.

Your one-way love is never fulfilled. The relationship never begins and you keep holding on to the hope, in spite of knowing that your beloved is not going to reciprocate the feeling you value so much. Your beloved has such control over you, instead of learning from the situation and making the right decisions at the right time, you stagnate yourself in an unfulfilling affair. It sets up an inclination towards self-mutilation. A good relationship is where both partners feel the support of being pushed to achieve their best, yet being loved for what they are. Both the partners need to feel important in the relationship. Praise and encouragement are the essence of a relationship, but an unrequited lover tends to settle with the absence of all of these and continue to follow the love object blindly.

I agree it is extraordinarily painful to let go of. Understand that, in essence, they may not actually be rejecting you, rather they are probably resisting their own destiny, or they may be afraid of love at that depth. What can we suggest this person suffering in unrequited love? How can we help him meditate or help him connect with the universe and accept that this relationship is not going to develop into anything further? It is not easy to bear the emotional pain. It can easily affect the unrequited lover’s job, friends and even health. If he is right about he and his friend being some form of soulmates, how can their connection be so different? When your love is unreturned, someone has broken a sacred contract with you. You have the ability and the power to override this contract. Understand that Karma has taken a full circle, you have learnt your lesson and now is the time to move on, to snap back, get hold of your life and find a better, more fulfilling relationship.

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