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Sorting Out Unrequited Love

Sorting Out Unrequited Love.

Sometimes, memories of the time spent with your beloved, the experiences and effects keep returning to the unrequited lover unnervingly and occupy a large part of their mind space. If there is nothing that you find to connect with your beloved, for example in a movie, a situation or a song, you immediately make-up something in your mind to connect your fantasy to real-life romantic fiction. Interestingly, rejecters and unrequited lovers seem to look back very differently on their experiences of unrequited love. While rejecters carry more negative feelings, surprisingly, the rejected tend to view the experience in a positive light. Rejecters may feel considerable guilt at having turned down a proposal to a romantic attachment and at causing the other person deep emotional pain. They also retain negative feelings of annoyance and anger at the persistence of lovers, much more than the lovers do themselves.

I have written about this in detail in my article More About Limerence. At times, the thoughts of their beloved completely occupy an individual’s waking hours leading to addiction-like condition and affecting their creativity and interest in other matters of day-to-day life. This often results into long-lasting underachievement in school, family life and work. They continue to imagine a situation from the past and think of it from different angles, until they are able to construct a story that matches their actual desire and give it a desirable ending.  The day you stop believing those stories of your imagination and investing in them, your family and friends will stop saying what they are and you will be able to smile from inside as you notice how you were caught up in fascinating and frustrating stories.

It is difficult to sort out, and confusing. I know. But trust me, you are not the only one who is going through unrequited love. Perhaps, there are more people in unrequited love in this world than in a complete, reciprocal relationship. While it is certainly going to take time, breaking the recovery process down into small, manageable parts will enable you to look at all of the pieces and find out exactly why you are suffering.

Lovers start believing that there is something that is missing in them, which, if changed, can cause the beloved to fall in love with them. They start finding ways to carve out of the marble of their being, someone that the beloved will find irresistible. The more you change yourself, the more you will turn into a shadow of your own.

If you analyse, we get pretty much everything from our social network. Be it food, shelter, entertainment, appreciation and even our romantic partners. That said, why are there so many people in unrequited love. Is that our culture? As I have written in my article Unrequited Love and Cinema, there are behaviours culturally imposed on us about romantic relationships and how they affect lovers in real life, making it look normal for lovers to pursue someone who belongs to a completely different religious, social or financial background. This leads to cases of unrequited love and heartbreak.

At the point when your feelings in a relationship are not shared, the outcome can be excruciating for both of you, particularly for the person who is more dedicated to the relationship. Unrequited love — the most common topic for novels and movies, is one of the worst situations to be in. Simply knowing that your relationship falls under this category is all that is needed to make you take some difficult decisions in life. Mostly, it is the decision to stay in the relationship that is important only to the unrequited lover, but at times, it is the decision to walk out.

In everyone’s life there are some separations that are worth mentioning. To think about how they brought forth more liveliness, a certain kind of lightness of being, as you endure the pain. With every unrequited love experience, pain of being rejected keeps getting weaker, however, there still remains one such love that hurts even after years. Unrequited love pangs tear at your heart when both of you are buffeted about in one drama after another. With time, you become an emotional wreck; confused and incapable of being strong in the presence of your lover. You feel sucked off, of better sense, logic and emotions.

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5 years ago

I want your suggestion. I used to have an unrequited love for my friend for over 3 years. Then one day, the pain became too severe that I informed her and blocked her on all sources. A year later, yesterday, I texted her back giving an explanation as to why I blocked her. She said that she understands and she’s totally fine with me.

What should I do? Can I go back being her friend without falling for her again?

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