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Unrequited Love is a Matter of Choice

Unrequited Love is a Matter of Choice.

Unrequited love is quite hard to accept. When you have that feeling for someone, you start living in a fantasy world. Delusions then become truth for you and you start scrutinizing each action and every work of the object of your affection, interpreting them wrongly. You start thinking that they reciprocate your feelings, while, actually, they don’t.

So, when you are told that they do not feel for you, step back. Initially it is excruciatingly difficult to accept the truth, but given some time, reflecting on what happened, acknowledging your conflicting emotions and searching your soul will tell you exactly that – step back. With time, you will accept the truth.

Love is the eradication of the distance that exists between us and the other. Love is a movement. Actually, love is the movement. It is that which moves each of us toward one another. Love makes possible our survival because it is a force of connection. And we need love in these times. The radical potential in love is its ability to destroy the walls, fortifications, edges, spaces, which work to separate us. Love is the resounding feeling that beckons us toward connection, communion, and companionship. It overrules our fear of vulnerability and connection, the fear that provokes our need to anesthetize feeling, even if the conditions for our mutual survival are connected to such actions. We need to love our love to sustain earthly and spiritual bonds and solidarity, a unity of feeling and action, to resurrect humanity.

One of the most difficult things about unrequited love is to come to terms with the fact that your love is never going to find its destination in your beloved. The most important point to understand here is that this does not mean there is something wrong with you. Think about a star or a celebrity who you know was in love with someone who never loved them back. They are intelligent, rich, smart and all that you think is required for someone to fall in love with you. But they were not loved back. Why? Because it was just not meant to be for them, just like this was not for you.

Being rejected in love makes us look down upon ourselves, and we start believing that there is something lacking in us. We start finding faults in ourselves, when we are already hurt and need support. While rejection is mostly a matter of choices and difference in lifestyles, we continue to torment ourselves over our shortcomings and make it even more difficult to overcome the pain of rejection.

Your beloved hurts you in more ways than he even realizes, because he truly doesn’t feel the same. To me, unrequited love is the ultimate form of rejection. But in the process of dealing with this, you actually learn to deal with rejection in the future. When you are madly in love, you want to change yourself to be everything that you think your beloved wants to see in a partner. But with time, you get into a habit of doing it for yourself. You become aware of your shortcomings and start improving to become a much better version of yourself.

Going forward, remember, the one who loves less controls relationship. While we do not want to be controlling the future relationship, there is no harm in being cautious, in order to save yourself from getting hurt again. Go on of this relationship with a mad, mad hope of finding happiness. And you will soon know how to fill your life with happiness. Soon enough, you will look back at life and realize how wrong you really were, once upon a time.

As romantic as it may sound to love someone with your heart and soul, even if they don’t love you back, it is not easy. It is really painful to long for someone who does not feel the same way about you. While there is not much we can do about how the other person feels, there certainly are a few things we can do to save ourselves the unbearable pain. See my post Ways to Handle Unrequited Love where I have written in detail about the subject, but the most important thing to do is to know that you have been hurt and to take care of yourself, no matter what.

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