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Unrequited Love-Common Mistakes

Unrequited Love-Common Mistakes.

Repeatedly going for Mr/Ms Wrong puts you in the market for relationship mistakes. This one can be neatly combined with being too desperate to get into a relationship. If I repeatedly scrape my face on tarmac and then wonder why it hurts, I may need to think about it. But hold on; anyone can mistakenly fall for a ‘psycho’. Early on, they may be all charm and attentiveness, and you may be conveniently averting your eyes from early telltale signs – such as 24-hour surveillance on your house. So you can’t always blame yourself for getting mixed up with the psycho, but feel free to blame yourself for staying with a psycho once the signs become obvious. I have discussed this in detail in my blog Prerequisite for Unrequited Love.

Deliberately going for someone with ‘dysfunctional features’ that match characteristics of someone with whom you had a past destructive relationship and then later wondering where it all went wrong, is another mistake that a lot of unrequited lovers make.

What to do if you’re chronically pursuing a mate who is obviously flawed to the extent that the relationship will be painful and doomed? The least you can do is to admit this to yourself and not be surprised when such relationships ‘always go wrong’. Knowing your patterns is the first step to changing them.

There is a great line from a Seinfeld episode, in which one of the characters says to Seinfeld, “You shouldn’t play games in relationships!” to which he replies, “What’s the point of dating without games? How do you know if you’re winning or losing?” Playing games in a relationship often leads to broken or unsuccessful relationships. If we view too much of life through a competitive lens, we come to treat everything like a tussle, a chance to score points and get ahead. Trying to make someone want you more by acting ‘standoffish’, ignoring them, or trying to make them jealous is, of course, all about manipulation. If a relationship starts off on a basis of game playing, don’t expect any winners long-term. For example, when you’re in unrequited love, your beloved is most likely an expert at blame game and will often make you feel awful for things you have no reason to stress over, such as getting passionate, or expecting to discuss something that has been on your mind. Yes, love is intended to bring joy into each other’s lives, yet that doesn’t mean your partner isn’t in charge of consoling you when you feel down. I ave discussed this in detail in my blog Understandings Signs in Unrequited Love. Part of being in love is being there for the other individual when life isn’t cheerful. You ought to never apologize when expecting your loved one to support you.If you want a good quality relationship, be honest and upfront so you can both win together. Refuse to be drawn into their games if that’s what they do.


Wanting too much too soon is the next mistake that I am going to discuss in this section where I am covering common mistakes made by unrequited lovers.Wanting to peg someone down too quickly to see whether they’re ‘committed’ is like trying to insist cabin crew serve you their delicious vacuum-packed fare during take-off. Give it a chance!

Telling someone you love them on the first date, planning your retirement together, or talking about ‘us’ and ‘we’ prematurely applies too much pressure and saps the spontaneity and fun from the early stages. Having to know how they feel may be fair enough down the line, but asking them too soon where they see this relationship going can make them feel like they’re being interrogated in a job interview.

The trick is to hold off for a while until you know each other better. Everything that exists in our Universe, as far as I know, has a time scale – including love. Don’t be too quick to establish yourselves as a longstanding couple when you’ve known each other just a few weeks. When you’re in love, it’s normal to want to make every effort to make your loved one feel loved. You open up your heart to feeling vulnerable, and you’re eager to be totally open to another person. You find yourself becoming more accessible to your beloved, and you’re willing to drop all that you’re doing to be at that individual’s side. Then one day, you start realising you’re the only one doing all the loving. The other person is only present. But when you are in unrequited love, it is easy to overlook that your favors are adding up quite quickly while the other person’s have been stagnant for a long time.

Hope this helps all unrequited lovers to understand their situation better. Please share your experiences in the comments section and I will add them to my future blogs.

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