Unrequited Love and Toxic Friendships.
When you fall in love with your best friend, it will either be reciprocated or you will be left in unrequited love and this will lead to the end of a friendship which can be painful and confusing. After all, you became friends with this person for a reason and probably shared some good times together. However, when a friendship becomes toxic because of unrequited love, moving on is the healthiest and best path forward and will help you feel better in the long run. It is said that friendships permeate our lives, impacting our careers, marriages, families, children and health. Detecting toxic friendships and learning how to let them go is essential to a happy life.
As I have discussed in my blog Looking Beyond Unrequited Love, get into the habit of self-hypnotically projecting your mind into the future – to a time when you can look back to the present and wonder what all the fuss was about. This is a great way to actually start to naturally feel better – above and beyond all the ‘good sensible advice’. Getting out of the pit is the next step. When we’re in love, even if it’s with our own imaginative version of a person, it’s easy to wallow in romantic fiction, poems about undying love. But overdoing this can cause you further problems. If you’re really suffering because of your unrequited passions, then this is akin to rubbing salt into a lacerated leg wound repeatedly. It’s gonna hurt.
Avoid Expecting Change
Don’t try to change your partner. There is an old Sufi tale in which some villagers find an eagle, a bird they had never seen before. Because it was unfamiliar, they didn’t feel it was a real bird at all. So they cut its beak, trimmed back its feathers, and clipped off its talons, at last deciding that now it looked like a proper bird. Of course, it could no longer fly. You may read about this in detail in my post Unrequited Love and Choices.
Focus on You
Now that you have severed ties with your toxic friend and accepted the importance of moving on, take some time to focus on yourself. Do things that help you relax or make you feel good. Nurture yourself. Swim, jog, paint, watch a favorite movie or get a massage. Separate from the negativity of that friendship by doing positive things for yourself.
Remember the Truth
When mourning the loss of a relationship, it’s easy to remember the good times and to wonder if you made the right decision to end the relationship. Friendships can become so comfortable that it’s hard to let them go. Like denim, it’s easy to get used to a pal who doesn’t fit you like they should. The reality is, toxic behavior won’t benefit you and it weakens the foundation of a friendship. The first step to healing is acknowledging the truth. Review the problems that existed in the relationship and remind yourself why you’re no longer friends. Trust that you parted from this person for a good reason.
Distract Yourself
Find things to do. There is no better way to move on from a loss than to distract yourself and stay busy. Spend time with family members and other friends. Think of activities you’ve always wanted to try. Take up a new hobby. Join a book club or local sports team or take a cooking class. Staying occupied will prevent you from dwelling on the loss of the friendship and from constantly reviewing the experience in your mind.
Make New Friends
One of the best ways to heal from a toxic friendship is to make new friends who bring happiness to your life. Seek out people with similar interests who make you feel good about yourself. Attend community events or spend time with other friends who can introduce you to new people. Being a little pushy is alright. If you meet someone you want to be friends with, don’t be shy. Extend invitations. A genuine friendship can take you a long way in feeling better and getting over the loss of a friend that happened due to your distorted feelings.
Know that it is alright and this too shall pass.