Unrequited Love and Sexuality in Perspective.

When we let go the idea of changing things the way we’d like them to be, the sad feelings start to surface. Now, that you have given up the idea, the next step is to accept. Accept that the breakup has happened, or that your partner is not interested in you anymore. It’s happened. You’ve been rejected. Accept it for what it is. Many times, we try to change the situation to stave off the feelings of sadness, anger, betrayal and rejection. You might feel like a loser and start to drift back to the idea of doing something. In addition to the normal feelings of grief, rejection brings with it negative self-talk and lowered self-esteem and self-respect. This time you want to get done with the feeling forever. Your mind races with ideas. Not a good sign. Take a deep breath. Relax.

Sexuality. Sexual encounters in unrequited love continually nag at the lover, reminding them of constantly unfulfilled desire and its shared expression. For most of us, saying that we are not happy in unreciprocated sexual encounters and this is not how we want them to be, makes us feel like we’re begging to be loved. After all, the disinterested partner has made it clear through their body language and (sometimes) words that you should be happy with what you’re getting. Really? Is this how you want your life to be?

This article is a part of the series of articles that I am writing about ‘Unrequited Love and Sexuality’. If you have been following my previous articles, by now you should have a good understanding of the fundamentals of the effect of unrequited sex and associated psychology and you would know that each one of my articles will inspire you to form a relationship where both of you are totally in love with each other and desire each other, body and soul, all the time. It might be wise to re-read those articles, or bookmark them to grab back whenever you encounter a subject that I have written about!

So, the next conclusion I’ve come to is that we need to speak up more clearly about what we need from our partner which, here, is reciprocation to our love and sexuality. But before we speak up, we need to be sure of ourselves. We need to be sure this is what we want and that we are ready to face the repercussions of rejection and unreturned love. Be willing to show yourself openly for who you are and what you want one last time, while accepting that the partner may not be in a position to reciprocate or even accept.

For me, what I need in my life is a deep sexual sharing which allows me to flow my energy fully with another. If my connection with my partner is not fulfilling and soul-stirring, I cannot live with that person. This relationship would have nothing for me. And I know there are others for whom this is also true, although they may not be as comfortable or as articulate in asking for it. It’s not just about frequency of sex, it’s about quality, connection, depth and love.

If someone doesn’t want you, they should not stay in your life, simple. And if they want to walk out of your life, let them! Let all the grandstanding scenarios disappear from your life. You shouldn’t have to babysit the neurons inside someone’s head lest they get caught up in wacky world of breaking up with you or divorcing you. Even if you have kids together.

I have always said this – when you are trying too hard to hold on to the soured relationship just because of your children, you are not creating a healthy atmosphere for them to grow. A dissatisfied, unhappy couple is unknowingly yet constantly feeding their anger, stress, and insecurity to the children. Keep in mind that even if you are able to suppress your sexuality in unrequited or unreturned love, this battle of winning the relationship is a temporary state. It is just a matter of time before they find another reason to complain and make your life further miserable.

Don’t run away at the prospect of being loved by another partner. It is not bad to seek satisfaction outside a relationship. Wanting sex is not wrong, wanting more sex than a partner does is not wrong either. Let yourself find another love. Let yourself feel loved and wanted again.