Unrequited Friend Love.
It’s hard when you are faced with a situation when you think someone is “just a friend”, but once he changes his Facebook status to “In a relationship”, you realize you’re not as happy for him as you should be. Falling in love is sometimes messy, amazingly messy! Especially so when you fall for a close friend who is not even aware of the feelings you’ve been harboring. In fact, sometimes even you are unaware of the feeling until something happens that shocks the realisation out in you. Then you realise, you are in love with your best friend!
As discussed in my post Unrequited Love and Toxic Friendships, when you fall in love with your best friend, it will either be reciprocated or you will be left in unrequited love and this will lead to the end of a friendship which can be painful and confusing. After all, you became friends with this person for a reason and probably shared some good times together. However, when a friendship becomes toxic because of unrequited love, moving on is the healthiest and best path forward and will help you feel better in the long run. It is said that friendships permeate our lives, impacting our careers, marriages, families, children and health. Detecting toxic friendships and learning how to let them go is essential to a happy life.
So, what do you do to save the relationship? How do you realise that you are in love with your best friend? Or more importantly, if he feels the same too?
Support
When your friend gets slighted by a group of unfriendly, superior-feeling types, you feel the need to plot revenge with or without your friend. This is a sign that your feeling is growing from plain fondness in friendship to something else. Your friend sporadically springs for your morning or early evening coffee just to be nice. When your friend posts something on a social media website and nobody responds, you’re the first to jump in with a supportive, even if slightly made-up, reply. You pick up a couple of your friend’s favorite doughnuts on your way to meet up.
However, remember, if the feeling is not reciprocated, and you find yourself in unrequited love, you might have inflicted it upon yourself, in spite of knowing that your friend is never going to reciprocate the feeling. As discussed in my post Soulmates and Unrequited Love, we sometimes seek to vicariously live out something which is suppressed in us due to childhood wounds. In doing this, we choose a partner who reminds us of someone we were close a mother / father/ brother/ or sister, etc. You may read more about this post here.
Connection
Another sign to watch out for is when you can sometimes talk to each other simultaneously, all the while listening and responding to the statements and questions being exchanged between you. You start finishing each other’s sentences. You know what your friend will say by facial expressions, before any words are uttered. To the outside world, it sounds like you’re interrupting each other. To the two of you, it’s just how you converse.
in contrast to your significant other who will hold you, kiss you and tell you that, “tomorrow will be better”, when you’ve had a terrible encounter, your friend will declare it the most “hideous circumstance known to mankind” and try to help you resolve the pangs of its aftermath. Both serve essential purposes, yet, both are poles apart in their behaviour.
When you are falling for a friend, you suddenly start appreciating the quirky side of your friend. Like their obsession with quality cosmetic products and their random distaste for chocolates. There is no room for jealously between the two of you, just mutual appreciation, in the friendship. When you tell this friend about a success in your life, he or she is genuinely happy for and will celebrate with you.
As discussed before, it is alright to fall in love with about anyone in the world as long as you are able to handle the feeling and not make a fool of yourself. However, if this love is going to turn you to an unrequited lover, you’d better watch out! Denying the signs is not going to help.
Sending you light for a happy life. Please leave your experiences and comments in the message section. They are my inspiration.