Unfulfillment in Unattainable Love.
A wonderful, fully functioning partner can love you no matter what happens. So, when you are in unattainable love, perhaps your beloved does know how awesome you are but is not in a place to be in the relationship. It’s not about you, but about the inability to handle stressors. You need someone who finds solace in you. That is the person you want to be with. Their inability to handle stress isn’t a reason to give them a break. This is someone who hurt you for whatever reason and can’t deal with life and their life partner at the same time. So, let your ex be. It’s not the right time for the two of you, and there is nothing you can do about it. It’s hard and it hurts, but gently let the unattainable love go.
People go to counsellors and pay high fees to find out how to get someone to love them. They claim to love this person more than they love themselves and for them, this concept is the identity of romantic love. In all honesty, this is only unattainable, one-way love and your relationship with yourself is more important than anything else. If another relationship outside of yourself becomes more important to you, you become an unstable vehicle to carry love. Any sensible person would want to get into a relationship with someone who is high on confidence and loves himself.
Until love comes from a romantic partner who values you and sees how wonderful you are, get that love from family, friends and yourself. Every relationship is a learning experience. You must be good to yourself as you move on from someone who does not value you enough to want an exclusive, romantic relationship with you. It’s alright. We learn what parts of us could use improvement. Get on with your life and become the person you always wanted to be. Not because this person found that attractive or likeable but because you want to be such.
As a kid, all of us have had moments when another kid did not want to play with us. That was perhaps the first rejection of our lives. At times, we may not get invited to a classmate’s party and the person that we have a crush on may not like us back. In fact, the crush may even be involved with another person, right before our eyes. Happens, with all of us, doesn’t it? This difficult lesson continues to be taught to us by life, as we grow up, over and over. The list of incidents is long, but the lesson to be learnt is the same: love yourself, because everyone else is taken. Life goes on, it doesn’t stop. And if you don’t carry on, you will be left back; life will move on.
It’s time to put the focus on you and learn from past mistakes, including this one. It’s time to work on you and to look at how you arrived at this point. Think about how to improve the next relationship. Think about your patterns in a relationship. Do you keep repeating certain things when you fall in love? Why do you choose only the unattainable? Has this happened before? It’s time to take away the wonderful memories of your beloved and replace them with what is happening now, which is rejection. It’s hard to think of this relationship as a mistake, but you will.
Perhaps your beloved has a fear of commitment or this simply isn’t the right one. We all want someone to share life’s sorrows and joys day in and day out. If this person can’t do it, we need someone who will. Perhaps there is something more troubling such as narcissism or a personality disorder that you have not thought about yet. Too often people hold out hope that the person will change, see the error of their ways, go to counseling and come back to the relationship. That’s a fantasy that usually doesn’t happen. It helps to see what may be keeping you stuck and to accept that it’s not changing any time soon. It’s time to let that one go. A person who walks out or puts you on hold or wants you only as a friend, is not that person. Anyone who has rejected you in any way, for any reason, is not for you.