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Unfulfilling Unrequited Love

Unfulfilling Unrequited Love.

A person needs to grow in life. Constant growth is the way to live. If a situation or a relationship is binding you so strongly that it is not letting you grow, even emotionally, it is time to move on! Use this experience as an opportunity for change and self-growth. It may hurt now, but nothing is a waste of time if you can use what you have learned, to create a better future! Like someone said- Let no one who loves be called unhappy. Even love unreturned has its rainbow.

Scholars explain that an average couple takes two years to come down off the high of new love and reach to a point where one of them starts feeling like his love is unreturned. Now, the funny thing is, although the reality may be disappointing, we have to be thankful to have come down off the high, because if we didn’t, we’d have to close down business, church, education or anything else that’s important, because you can’t concentrate on anything else when you’re in love! However, in unrequited love, the state of constant longing and desire is perpetual, and may become frustrating, if not worked upon.

Every individual seeks a companion to embrace life together in a relationship. When a couple has reached the highest ideal of these deep relationships, they are often labelled as soulmates in our culture. All unrequited love cases begin with the lover looking for a soulmate when they are actually pursuing a one-way love relationship and in doing so, they forget to notice some points that are important in forming or finding a soulmate relationship. They say when you have found your soulmate, you don’t even need to speak, in order to connect with each other.

I had initially set out to write about soulmates, but for people in unrequited love to understand the concept of a soulmate and analyse if their current love is actually their soulmate, it was important to give a brief background about the importance of both the partners being in love, for them to be soulmates.

Most unrequited love experiences are painful and from a part and parcel of early life experience. Lovers generally tend to look back on their experiences relatively positively and even with fond memories, warmth and some residual love. A few of them, however, find it impossible to cope with the loneliness, grief and desolation which are invariable components of unrequited love.

When a couple is on the way to high intimacy and passion, they constantly feel romantic love for each other. This period feels like a honeymoon, because it is that phase of the relationship where you are in a state of intense euphoria and there is a release of reward-activation neurotransmitters, like dopamine in the body. Standard theories of mind don’t apply in unrequited love. The object of our unrequited love is generally uncommunicative. They don’t say a whole lot, nothing to us at all. We see them only briefly. They often have no facial expressions aimed at us. They prevent us from assessing their intentions and emotions. We cannot interpret their intentions. And yet we love them.

So, there is unrequited love and then there is unattainable unrequited love. Unrequited love is always unrequited but unrequited love is not always unattainable. Confused? Ok, so if you fall in love with a best friend and your love is not reciprocated, it is unrequited love, but it is not unattainable. Your friend might start reciprocating the feeling someday. However, if you fall in love with Brad Pitt, your love is definitely going to remain unattainable, and also unrequited. He doesn’t even know you exist!

Our psychology plays an important role in making us obsessed with getting what we can’t get. It is true that rare is precious and all that, but there is definitely more to it than just this. A number of factors play a role in making us fall in love with the unattainable. As I have written in my post Hopeless Unrequited Love, a good relationship is where both partners feel the support of being pushed to achieve their best, yet being loved for what they are. However, there remains some kind of attraction in falling for just the opposite of what we know will lead to a fulfilling relationship.

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