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Psychology of Suicide in Unrequited Love

Psychology of Suicide in Unrequited Love.

Unrequited Love – The rationale behind suicide, which is the intentional taking of one’s own life, can be as simple or as complex as life itself. Any unrequited lover who commits suicide may see this act as a solution to a severe emotional or psychological dilemma. Depression is the root of the psychology of suicide. It is therefore important to take into account the clinical considerations as well as the facts when studying a case of suicide driven by unreciprocated love. Teenage suicides have been described as an epidemic in proportion to their representation within society. Periodically, newspapers and television networks have been covering this phenomenon by reporting a series of events including “Teenage Suicide Pacts.” Ironically, media attention often results in further teenage suicides, which are mostly attributed to failure in romantic relationships. The course of action would be to seek out professional assistance and create programs within the school system to deal with this problem, but that still remains to be done.

As I have discussed in my blog Unrequited Love or Life? depression is a mood disturbance characterized by feelings of sadness, despair, and discouragement resulting from a sense of loss or rejection in love. It can become an abnormal emotional state and lead to exaggerated feelings of sadness, despair, and discouragement out of proportion with reality. There are four major depressive symptoms; emotional, cognitive, motivational and somatic. Each of these clusters impact both dependently and independently upon the lover.

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Emotional Symptoms

Sadness is the most conspicuous and widespread emotional symptom in depression. Depressed people may or may not speak about their problems. The emotional symptoms are worsened by the lack of sleep due to constant thinking about the beloved and hence are felt more strongly in the mornings.

Cognitive Symptoms

The term cognitive refers to the mental process characterized by being aware, acknowledging, adapting and improving. It is an intellectual process of perception and comprehension in a person. A depressed lover thinks or perceives himself in a very negative way. He feels like a failure in love and life and blames himself for the situation. As I have written in my blog Lessons Learnt from Unrequited Love, we can be more tough to ourselves than we are to others. We keep blaming ourselves for being stupid in believing (even half-heartedly) that the other person loves us too. Not only does it make the recovery slower, it also makes us stuck in that feeling. We’re unable to move on because of the immeasurable pain and the pity parties we throw for ourselves whenever we remember that moment of rejection. After being rejected in love, the lover starts believing that he is inferior, inadequate and incompetent. His depressed cognitive functioning causes him to have intense feelings of low self-esteem. This sows the seeds for eventual hopelessness and pessimism in him, leading him to believe that he is doomed and there is no way out.

Motivational Symptoms

These are easily noticeable to people close to a depressed lover. A depressed lover generally has trouble in starting practically anything, like getting up in the morning, going to work, interacting with people etc. Passivity and lack of normal response undermines their ability to engage in important life functions. In its extreme form they even feel like doing what is necessary for life such as eating and sleeping.

Somatic Symptoms

Biological manifestations of depression are perhaps the most difficult set of symptoms due to the impact that they have on the lover. As depression worsens, the lovers find every biological and psychological joy of life eroding. Depressed lovers fell depression physically. They are more susceptible to physical illness because as depression becomes more severe it diminishes the basic biological drives.

All young people out there, suffering in unrequited love, I know it is hard to accept. When you have such intense feelings for someone, you start living in a fantasy world. Delusions become the truth of your life and start scrutinizing the actions of your beloved, interpreting them wrongly. You start thinking that they are going to come by and say they love you too, while, actually, this is never going to happen. So when you are told that they do not feel for you, step back. Initially it is going to be excruciatingly difficult to accept the truth. But it is not more important than life. There are people who love you and need you in their lives. Your parents, your siblings, friends and someone who might be in love with you, whom you never noticed, because you were too preoccupied with loving someone who is never going to love you back.

Give some time to yourself, reflect on what happened, acknowledge your conflicting emotions and search your soul. It will tell you exactly that – step back. With time, you will accept the truth.

Please leave your comments, they are my inspiration.

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6 years ago

I have a complicated situation, I am in a situation of unrequited love and have been for over 25 years. She even got married and she sees me as a very close friend, I really love her. She had children and I am very close to them and love them dearly. It’s been 10 years since she has been married and revcently the split up after a few agonising years.

We met at school and and even went out on a few romantic dates. She even says that she loves me. I couldn’t be nicer, more helpful, kind emotionally and financially. I. Ouldnt do more, I have given all I am.

So when she texted me to say she was going on a date, my world crashed around me. At best I have a constant lump in my throat, usually flooded with tears. I don’t know where to turn, I can’t see a way out. I can’t just reject all, 26 years of my life, my emotions and all my love are wrapped up and invested in her.

Please help.


[…] Fact: Unrequited love can, in fact, lead to depression. How?? The feeling of emptiness, brokenness, worthlessness can trigger depression in anyone, as I said before we all have different predispositions. If  you want to read more about it you can visit:  […]

speak the truth
speak the truth
5 years ago

Well, you see this is your average Joe advice from somebody who doesn’t seem to quite understand the true depth of unrequited love and how it’s not something you ‘accept’ nor ‘get over’. It seems you are only allowed to love a person forever if they love you too. It is your every waking moment and all that you wish for. Nothing/Nobody can ever replace this person.

It is actually very irritating to be told that it’ll all be ok and that these are just silly things and that suddenly, you just never love that person.

No no, that is not how this works.

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