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Incomplete and Unrequited Love

Incomplete and Unrequited Love.

Some people are never limerent. They can’t or won’t experience the feeling of being madly in love. Also, for the majority of limerent subjects, the feeling is unrequited. They have a horrible time being lost in the thoughts of someone who doesn’t feel the same about them!

I know it hurts, acknowledge the situation nevertheless. Relationships can be fluid. You can flow from one stage to another if you’re able to put energy and attention into the relationship. Having romantic feelings for someone is perfectly alright. But drowning yourself in unrequited love is unacceptable. I suppose you could break up and get back together, but then the love wouldn’t have the same blissful optimism. By the time you realise something is wrong, it gets so bad, you find it difficult to handle it right and you cannot afford to lose it either, because you are hopelessly in love.

Maybe when it ends, you’d have had enough of it. Check back four years from now! Leaving one stage is not an end. It’s a new beginning. Of course, you can’t flow from detachment back to anything. Putting too much effort into maintaining the status quo could cause problems. Let the infatuation run its course and enjoy the hell out of it.

What a feeling! But can that first flash-dancing, knee-buckling sensation of falling in love endure? Sometimes you won’t have withdrawal symptoms. If the limerence is requited, it can last up to three years. But you won’t wake up nonlimerent on your anniversary. It’s a gradual decline.

During the infatuation stage, you experience increases of norepinephrine and dopamine levels in the brain and of testosterone, too, since lust is involved. Barriers and hurdles in the relationship also lengthen infatuation. If one person in the relationship is married to someone else or lives in a different city, the struggle is romantic and could lead to extended periods of limerence even in a normal love affair. In that way, if your partner travels a lot for work, it’s good. The pain of his leaving and the happiness of his return can prolong limerence

When you move into the attachment stage, where you see an increase of vasopressin and oxytocin, the other hormones return to normal. In my article Unrequited Love and Karma, I have written how, today, when relationships are formed and broken so frequently, you will need to work hard to become Karma clear after a relationship has ended. This will be a time when you don’t have mental, spiritual, physical or emotional attachment elsewhere. Until the spiritual bond is broken, a new relationship will not work, and you may not even know why. Most couples in attached relationships have less sex than those in the infatuation stage.  The phrase addicted to love applies to women and men who crave the excitement of infatuation, floating from one intense affair to the next, leaving a pile of heartbroken, attachment-seeking partners in their wake.

Some relationships start with attachment, like a loving friendship, and then shift to infatuation and lust. Once you’ve transitioned out of infatuation, hormone levels dropping, you either attach or you do the opposite. When you’re heartbroken, hormones change again. You get another dopamine boost. That makes you have no interest in food at the beginning and end of a passionate relationship. However, know that you can flow from infatuation to attachment and back again. I have always emphasised on the importance of an equal relationship, where both the partners find space and motivation to move forward and achieve more in life. While reading this process of attaining self-actualisation through a loving partner, I was reminded all the more of the importance of being loved back.

The continuity of spiritual life is timeless. While everyone has a different belief about reincarnation, it is also a common belief that the soul chooses to re-embody into a physical dimension for further expression. According to Hindu mythology, unless one soul has become completely clear of the past Karma, it will keep re-embodying itself to achieve Moksha. In the spiritual sense, the let go method, when successfully completed, leaves you at total peace with yourself. A state where you are able to love unconditionally; where there is inner silence, spaciousness, awareness, happiness and an experience of your true identity, your soul identity. You may read about this in detail here.

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