Embracing Transformation in Unattainable Love.
People who are more capable of handling rejection are better social survivors than those who are not. Since it is important for humans to stand out enough to be noticed, individuals who let the pain of rejection in love affect them, find themselves fearing public eye and are less capable of being outstanding in most aspects of life. Rejection in unrequited love makes them scared of being socially outcast. This leads to the individual being depressed and not too confident in life. With lack of confidence, they in turn increase their chance for rejection in the future as well.
Being rejected in love makes us look down upon ourselves, and we start believing that there is something lacking in us. We start finding faults in ourselves, when we are already hurt and need support. While rejection is mostly a matter of choices and difference in lifestyles, we continue to torment ourselves over our shortcomings and make it even more difficult to overcome the pain of rejection.
When you have done all you can in unrequited love and your beloved still doesn’t love you back, your family doesn’t understand your love, and your friends think you are wasting your time, you genuinely wonder ‘why don’t they understand?’ There are certain aspects of you screaming at you, to analyse! When everyone is against you, every person who genuinely cares about you, you perhaps need to understand that certain parts of your belief are unreal and are not letting think straight!
Separation in unrequited love is like being called to join a world of transformation, a world of personal evolution. A new life beckons you. First step is always the most difficult to take; whether it is walking out of a failing marriage, a love affair, or even quitting a job. But once you have taken the first step, you will find what you were born to do, who you were born to be, or be with. You realise that you have taken your first step towards discovery and fulfilment. Like the banyan tree from which many trees are born, giving birth to a forest; nature celebrates separation. The human mind has yet to learn the art of joy in separation.
While going through separation in unrequited love, it is important to be compassionate. Be true to what you feel and be kind to what the other feels. I have written about this in my article Moving On in Unrequited Love. Be willing to compromise or let go of all that is important – assets, relationships, custodies, etc. In the long run, you will see that everything can be recovered with time; yes, even relationships. If you are going to lose a friend, because of your one-way feelings, so be it. Once you have got your feelings under control, you can always try to be friends again. Money, assets, children, everything will fall into place, with time.
It is important to recognise when a stage of life, a job, a relationship is over and let go. Consider it as retiring well in order to live well. Do not make your life a holding action, but a process. It requires leaving what’s over, without denying its validity or its importance in our past lives. This involves a belief that every exit is followed by an entry, a sense of future, a belief that we are moving on, and not moving out. In everyone’s life there are some separations that are worth mentioning. To think about how they brought forth more liveliness, a certain kind of lightness of being, as you endure the pain. With every unrequited love experience, pain of being rejected keeps getting weaker, however, there still remains one such love that hurts even after years.
Learn to gracefully and gratefully exit from a chapter of life that is over without prolonging and stretching something that has lived its life. Unless you realise the importance of letting go, you will not learn that we don’t leave the best part of ourselves behind, back in the broken marriage or love affair. We own what we learnt there. The experience is grafted onto our lives. When you exit, you exit with an experience that will make your further relationships better.