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Effects of Limerence

Effects of Limerence.

Physical Effects

The physiological effects of limerence that affect an unrequited lover physically can be flushing, cold-sweats, shyness, stuttering, palpitations and trembling. If there is incessant anxiety, it might reflect in the limerent’s behavior and affect the relationship, which results in many of the physical responses mentioned above getting more intense. Some people feel the impact either immediately or following contact with the limerent object (LO). It makes them euphoric or extremely sad, depending upon what goes on with the LO. Due to the sudden change in hormones, they are naturally alert, with heightened awareness at all times. They also feel highly energetic and charged, and mostly are unable to channel this energy to something creative or constructive. Most of this energy is spent on following the limerent in some way or the other and in finding ways to be around them. Such reactions sometimes lead to a feeling of intrusion in the LO as they might at times be involved with someone. If the limerent is a known person, mostly a friend, they become difficult to understand and leave the LO confused.

What is Limerence? A limerent may feel physical changes and uneasiness due to heightened levels of hormones and heart rate. These are felt mostly in the abdominal area, chest and throat. It may be related to extreme happiness at being around the LO or constant fear of rejection and uncertainty in unrequited love. A limerent generally complains of loneliness, depression, and frustration. A feeling of incapacitating uncertainty prevails in one-way love. The truth of confusing or nonreciprocal reaction from the LO leads to instability in the lover’s condition and is a sign of complete mental surrender.

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As mentioned in my blog “Facts About Rejection In Unrequited Love” people who are more capable of handling rejection are better social survivors than those who are not. Since it is important for humans to stand out enough to be noticed, individuals who let the pain of rejection in love affect them, find themselves fearing public eye and are less capable of being outstanding in most aspects of life. Rejection in unrequited love makes them scared of being socially outcast. This leads to the individual being depressed and not too confident in life. With lack of confidence, they in turn increase their chance for rejection in the future as well.

Limerence and Sexuality

Physical desire assumes a key part in unrequited limerent love, yet is insufficient to stop the limerent completely, if not fulfilled. It is never the fundamental requirement; rather, the limerent concentrates on what could be characterized as “achievable”. However, Tennov says that “the most consistent result of limerence is mating, not merely sexual interaction but also commitment”.

Limerence can be increased after a sexual relationship has started, and higher the level of limerence, more prominent is the craving for sexual contact. While sexual involvement, in older times demonstrated commitment on part of the LO, on moral and social grounds, and led to partial relief from constant struggle with uncertainty for the limerent – in present times this is not necessarily the case.

Similar to other individuals, a limerent’s sexual desires vary from person to person. More romantically involved a limerent feels, more is the level of sexuality. Sometimes limerence is a consequence of physical attraction. Sexual desires are distinctly different from limerent desires. While limerent desires are quite clearly felt and understood by the unrequited lover, physical desires are involuntary and might involve unrealistic, imaginary situations and individuals.

Limerent Reaction

The limerent behaves in progressively discrete ways, evolving from a series of events. These responses happen when reality clashes with imagination and forms a clearly contradicting picture before the unrequited lover. One example may be the LO falling in love with someone else. Because of this, these reactions are quite easily predictable in accordance with the pattern described below.

Unrequited love increases if forced to be controlled. In acute cases, it reaches to a point of no return; only deterrent being clear expression of disinterest or rejection from the LO. If there is even an iota of doubt about the LO’s feelings, love intensifies. There doesn’t necessarily have to be a “romantic” trigger for this response to happen.

Limerence becomes more intrusive with time. The thoughts involved are mostly joyous and endlessly occupying. They revolve around the LO’s beauty, laughter, dressing and anything else that attracts the lover towards them. However, when a memory of rejection in any form lingers in the mind, it leaves them sad and this leads intensifies limerence.

Hope this explains some confusing aspects of unrequited love and helps the lovers understand themselves better. Please share your experiences in the comments section and I will add them it in my future blogs.

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