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Distraction and Fantasies in Unrequited Love

Distraction and Fantasies in Unrequited Love.

Unrequited one way love comes in different degrees, of course, from the temporary infatuation to the deeply felt, all-consuming one way love-me-or-I’ll-die unbridled passion or love obsession. As discussed in my blog Self-Improvement in Unrequited Love, one way unrequited love is just like falling in love, really, except it’s not reciprocated. And as you may well be aware, falling in love can pretty much make you a peculiar brand of crazy! Rapid as no other fixation would ever be, your ability to continue goes crazy. Discontinuously, you may attempt to separate yourself from your very controlling fixation. But it consistently returns, first perhaps as a reverberation, then a constantly infringing drumbeat, then at last a sonic blast difficult to disregard.

You have fantasies about the person who is the object of your affection. Maybe you even have obsessive thoughts. You dream of them and your life together, and find it hard to concentrate on other things than that person. It may even be to the point of it hindering your ability to do your job, or complete your daily tasks. There are certain aspects of you screaming at you, to analyse! When everyone is against you, every person who genuinely cares about you, you perhaps need to understand that certain parts of your belief are unreal and are not letting think straight! Sometimes, memories of the time spent with your beloved, the experiences and effects keep returning to the unrequited lover unnervingly and occupy a large part of their mind space. If there is nothing that you find to connect with your beloved, for example in a movie, a situation or a song, you immediately make-up something in your mind to connect your fantasy to real-life romantic fiction. I have written about this in detail in my blog More About Limerence. In fact, sometimes, your fantasy life may actually become more powerful and spiritual than your ‘real life’, causing you to sometimes confuse your daydreams with your reality. In other words, your one-way love makes you lose touch with reality.


An important sign of one way love in the border land of unrequited love obsession is idealization of the other person. Unrequited love can cause you to romanticize or idealize a person’s positive qualities to the extent that they become virtually flawless in your mind. You refuse to acknowledge their faults and exalt them so highly that you begin to believe no one else could ever compare. This person seems to you the ideal lover and you close your mind to other possibilities. In other words, your one-way love makes you go blind to reality. As discussed in my blog Learn from Unrequited Love, from a spiritual perspective you might have a ‘past life’ connection with your beloved, which makes them feel incredibly familiar and your heart unknowingly goes out to them. This involuntary clinging onto a past life blocks the growth of your soul in this life. You need to claim your power back, snap out of the spell and rescue yourself.  To make this happen, you need to first realise that you are trapped into a state of negative enchantment. Only then will you be able to do whatever it takes to come out of it.  This is the only way to free yourself and go on and attract real love. Once you have rescued yourself, you will be astonished at looking back to your own behaviour in the past. You will then see the object of your love as an ordinary person and not a God.

Frequent mood fluctuation is another sign to look out for, to understand that unrequited love it having its effect on you. You become like an emotional pendulum, swinging back and forth between joy and discouragement, depending on the responses you receive from the object of your desire. You will experience periods of happiness, or even euphoria, at any indication of reciprocation. Even a neutral behavior such as a simple smile or casual greeting will be cause for elation. Unfortunately, you will quickly swing to the opposite extreme at any signs of disinterest or rejection. If they neglect to acknowledge your greeting or respond to your presence, you will fall into despair, even depressions or physical illness. In other words, your one way love has completely made you lose your emotional balance – and on top of that you have given away your innate power to control that balance, and on top of that, the person you have given the power to doesn’t want it and may not even know he or she has it.

I will discuss these signs further in my next post. Please share your experiences and I will add them to my future blogs.


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