Denying Unrequited Love.
I have heard people discuss – can unrequited, unreturned love work? Does it have the capacity to last for a lifetime? You will be surprised to know how many lovers have spent a lifetime loving and only loving one person, alone! Although love is a matter of the heart, a lot of it is controlled by the activities of the brain. The brain decides if that one person is worth it, the heart just follows. I personally do not understand how a person could happily just keep giving love and never complain about not being loved back. I do not understand how this feeling keeps growing without a response from the love object! For me, love is love only when it is mutual. When we are loved back, when there is oneness, desire, respect and fulfilment.
However, there is no denying the fact that there are many one way relationships. Where the lovers continue to believe that the object of love will one day come to see the good in them. Their love will be understood and returned. This belief keeps them going, and that hope, somehow, keeps working as the source of energy for the unrequited lover.
It is also true that some unrequited lovers are quite satisfactorily alone! When I talked to some of them, I found that their content lay in selfless giving. One of them even told me that he grew up loving one girl, but with time he understood that she is never going to love him back. Even after having understood this, his heart did not desire another love, because his eyes could not see anyone else worth loving. He continues to love her even today. It brings him joy to see her happy.
While we talk about analysing yourself, you also need to see if your partner or beloved is really too independent. There is a chance that you are not even demanding too much of their time and attention. Maybe the partner or beloved just likes to be free and does not like to cling on in the relationship. Or maybe the relationship is not a romantic association of the other person to begin with!
If things look misbalanced, even when the two of you are legally or socially bound in a relationship, you need to give each other time to improve them. Discuss where the problem is and come to an agreement. Both of you need to be on the same ground. When there is too much in one direction it will throw things off. Establishing reasons for being together and maintaining a healthy balance of interdependence will help the relationship bloom and will also let the two of you feel happy individually.
In my blog Ways to Handle Unrequited Love, I have written about how it is going to help you to sit and think about how it happened. Everything. How did you start falling for a person who you (probably) knew will not reciprocate your feeling? And if you did not know that you will be rejected, how did you misjudge the situation. What did you miss? See if you can find a pattern in your behaviour. Any kind of pattern – do you tend to fall in love with someone who doesn’t love you back? Do you like to be seen as a selfless lover, always giving and never demanding? Do you subconsciously set unachievable targets in matters of the heart?
If the other person is not in love with you anymore, or never was, you are actually wasting your time in trying to sort things out. In this situation, you need to accept the fact and move on. You don’t want to be an unrequited lover and hang on for no reason!
The basic requirement is to get clarity before setting out on an improvement trip. It is alright to discuss what you think is important for you in the relationship. If you are staying far away from each other, you will probably have different issues than what couples normally have. Each relationship is different and there are a lot of things couples can improve by discussing and understanding.
Love cannot be demanded. It can only be willingly committed. Do keep coming back for my future posts, and don’t forget to leave your comments and I will add them in my future blogs.