Controlling Love When it is Unattainable.
It has been found that reciprocity is not necessary to Plato’s view of love, or platonic love, for the desire is for the object, shared values and pursuits, rather than the company of the object of love. Love is mostly believed to be an intrinsically higher value than appetitive or physical desire, and many philosophers hold this true for platonic unattainable love. Physical desire is notably held in common with the animal kingdom. Hence, a love produced by rational discourse and exploration of ideas, which in turn defines the pursuit of ideal beauty is of a lower order of reaction and stimulus than a rationally induced love. Accordingly, the physical love of an object, an idea, or a person in itself is not a proper form of love, and unattainable love has mostly been related to this form of love.
How important you are as a person is not, in any way, dependent on being loved by someone of the opposite gender. While it might look like all the stars are loved by a million fans, it is only half of the truth. The other half is that all fans are people in unattainable love, just like you! There are times when unattainable love can really affect your perception of the world and yourself and thus your self-esteem and your entire life experience. Does the idea of being loved make you uncontrollably happy? So happy that simple friendly behaviour makes you look for signs of love? If yes, you really need to work on improving your self-esteem.
Individuals with insecure attachments perceive social interactions with potential partners as threatening, while those with secure attachments perceived them as rewarding. It is important to identify where the feeling is coming from, if you’re feeling ambivalent or scared of starting a new relationship. Identifying the source can help you realize if your fear is rational, which can help you know where to start in overcoming your fear. Ask yourself what you are afraid of. Do you fear abandonment, disappointment, failure, lack of control or loving somebody else?
Pinpoint the root of your fear and give it a name. I would suggest everyone in unattainable love to examine their feelings honestly. For example, your friendship, which is probably going to turn to unattainable love, is most likely to be unhealthy for both of you if you are spending too much time thinking about your friend as a potential romantic partner even after s/he has told you they don’t feel the same way. It is time to distance yourself and move on. On the other hand, fear often leads you to see things differently from what they really are.
Love has been found to range from ‘empty love’ when a couple is high in commitment, but lacks any intimacy and passion, to ‘infatuation’, when the passion is pumping but devoid of intimacy or commitment. These are just simplistic notions of love. Actually, love comes in multifaceted forms. The three sides of the triangle usually triangle work in tandem to form more complex experiences. When a couple is on the way to high intimacy and passion, they constantly feel romantic love for each other. This period feels like a honeymoon, because it is that phase of the relationship where you are in a state of intense euphoria and there is a release of reward-activation neurotransmitters, like dopamine in the body.
No matter what, you will learn from the experience. You need to first acknowledge the problem, in order to understand how it is affecting you. This is the only way to identify the problem, so you can exercise our choice and decide how to deal with it and make the necessary changes. When people are depressed, they have less activity in the prefrontal lobes of the left side of their brain, so purposefully doing logical activities which can be way more interesting than that guy’s task, can help stabilize mood and help you feel much more detached and objective about stuff that was bothering you. You need perspective to deal with unattainable love. Do activities and things that you enjoy and discover new pastimes. Now would be a good time to sign up for the cooking class you’ve been meaning to take or fulfil your love of trail running. Participating in new activities is also a great way to make new friends.