Prerequisite for Unrequited Love.
Every unrequited lover is capable of finding someone to love them back, however, there are reasons why some of them remain in one-way love or fall in love with unavailable love objects. I have written about this in detail in my blog Perspective and Unrequited Love. Some people get into the destructive pattern of only really falling for people who are ‘unavailable’ in some way, perhaps because they are with someone else or emotionally unable to commit to a relationship. Unconsciously making unavailability a prerequisite for falling in love is like insisting on going swimming only in dry deserts – it’s never going to really work. If you have been doing this, or you suspect you have, at least become conscious of it and reflect that it’s a self-defeating strategy.
Research on pain perception even found that we experience less pain when looking at a picture of a loved one. Healthy relationships make for good health and should help you feel secure, strong, loved, and loving – at least some of the time. No wonder many people want a relationship. But for some people, it’s harder for new relationships to ‘take’, to grow and thrive. Love, friendship, intimacy, passion, mutual support- all relationship benefits make for a happier life. That special someone you can laugh with, who shares your hopes, dreams, and concerns. Hold on a moment – we can be in danger of idealizing relationships. And of course, people can be happy without an intimate partner. But however you cut it, relationships do matter.
What are the seven most destructive relationship mistakes? And how can we avoid them?
Being too desperate to get into a relationship is a classic and universal relationship mistake, leading to unrequited love. Time is running out, biological clocks are noisily ticking like estrogen-filled time bombs threatening to explode, and panic sets in. Wanting a relationship is not the same as wanting to be in a relationship with a particular person. If you get too hung up on wanting a relationship as a general idea, you may fall into the trap of unrequited love.
Flinging yourself at the first vaguely available or non-available creature to enter the room means putting potential partners off, if they sense you’re as desperate as Gollum was for the One Ring. What do you do? Remember the words of the song ‘You Can’t Hurry Love’ and don’t. Slow down. Starting a relationship with someone just to have a relationship, is like setting out on a voyage without checking for rot, poor engine performance, sea worthiness, and your legal rights. And in the long run, if you have one eye on the stopwatch, starting up with the wrong person wastes more time. one of the most difficult things about unrequited love is to come to terms with the fact that your love is never going to find its destination in your beloved. The most important point to understand here is that this does not mean there is something wrong with you. Think about a star or a celebrity who you know was in love with someone who never loved them back. They are intelligent, rich, smart and all that you think is required for someone to fall in love with you. But they were not loved back. Why? Because it was just not meant to be for them, just like this was not meant to be for you!
Which reminds me…
Repeatedly going for Mr/Ms Wrong puts you in the market for relationship mistakes. This one can be neatly combined with the first mistake. If I repeatedly scrape my face on tarmac and then wonder why it hurts, I may need to think about it. But hold on; anyone can mistakenly fall for a ‘psycho’. Early on, they may be all charm and attentiveness, and you may be conveniently averting your eyes from early telltale signs – such as 24-hour surveillance on your house. So you can’t always blame yourself for getting mixed up with the psycho, but feel free to blame yourself for staying with a psycho once the signs become obvious. As discussed in my blog Learn from Unrequited Love, soon as a problem crops up, we blame, reject and eject people out of our lives. Look back at your past, and all the people you’ve been with. Try making a list of people you’ve loved or made love to. There are many victims and victimizers that you did not even think about, until now. If your life lacks emotional stability or your beloved doesn’t love you back, it’s because the Karma in relationships lies with you. You can’t blame anyone but yourself. If you attract a certain person in your life and it turns out to be a disaster, it is Karma’s way of evolution for you.
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