Obsession in Unattainable Love.
Did you know that rejection and pain occupy the same space in our brain? Same part of the brain is triggered when we encounter rejection as when we encounter physical pain. This is the reason rejection affects so much. Actually, our brain reacts in the same way to rejection and physical pain.
People who are more capable of handling rejection are better social survivors than those who are not. Since it is important for humans to stand out enough to be noticed, individuals who let the pain of rejection in love affect them, find themselves fearing public eye and are less capable of being outstanding in most aspects of life. Rejection in unattainable love makes them scared of being socially outcast. This leads to the individual being depressed and not too confident in life. With lack of confidence, they in turn increase their chance for rejection in the future as well.
A love-obsessed person finds it difficult to accept reality of rejection and loneliness and is more often found waiting for the beloved to return into a broken relationship or accept the declined proposal. The random increase in the levels of dopamine and norepinephrine in the body provides constant energy for the person in unattainable love, to continue to wait for one person endlessly. However, this supply of energy is intermittent due to random rise and fall of neurotransmitters in the lover’s body, which leads them to fluctuating highs and lows.
We can be more tough to ourselves than we are to others. We keep blaming ourselves for being stupid in believing (even half-heartedly) that he loves us too. Not only does it make the recovery slower, it also makes us stuck in that feeling. We’re unable to move on because of the immeasurable pain and the pity parties we throw for ourselves whenever we remember that moment of rejection.
Everyone has a different way of recovering but the basic point of healing is our soul. It has to start from deep within. Until we accept what had happened, put ourselves together, pick up where we had left our happy self and decide to move on, healing cannot begin.
When you’re in love, it’s normal to want to make every effort to make your loved one feel loved. You open up your heart to feeling vulnerable, and you’re eager to be totally open to another person. You find yourself becoming more accessible to your beloved, and you’re willing to drop all that you’re doing to be at that individual’s side. Then one day, you start realising you’re the only one doing all the loving. The other person is only present. But when you are in unattainable love, it is easy to overlook that your favors are adding up quite quickly while the other person’s have been stagnant for a long time.
When you’re in unattainable love, your beloved is most likely an expert at blame game and will often make you feel awful for things you have no reason to stress over, such as getting passionate, or expecting to discuss something that has been on your mind. Yes, love is intended to bring joy into each other’s lives, yet that doesn’t mean your partner isn’t in charge of consoling you when you feel down. Part of being in love is being there for the other individual when life isn’t cheerful. You ought to never apologize when expecting your loved one to support you.
When a romantic relationship is terminated, it leaves one of the partners in unattainable love, leading to the beginning of a grieving process. This process causes a narcissistic injury of different levels in different individuals. It leads a person to regress into immature, maladaptive behaviour, even if the individual is known to have strong ego otherwise. On the other hand, people who are less capable of coping with the loss, tend to develop a narcissistic rage which is proportional to the degree of their narcissistic injury. This implies hateful feelings leading to verbal, physical or hidden hatred toward the beloved. Unfortunately, persistence in spite of rejection, irrational and inappropriate behaviour are considered justified in case of unattainable love, which our cultural ideologies would not encourage otherwise. We mostly never worry about how uncomfortable unrequited love is, for the rejecter.
See a description of yourself in this article? Do share with me how unattainable love makes you feel and I will add your experience in my future articles.