Moving Beyond Unrequited Love.
While we are discussing the possible reasons why unrequited love happens, I am reminded of the effect of random traumatic experiences that an individual might have had in the past. It is possible that you keep returning to unreciprocated love relationships due to an experience that had a negative effect on your self-esteem or made you feel hesitant and unsafe receiving love. I have discussed this in detail in my blog Pursuing Unrequited Love. This personal development article aims to help you identify the signs of unrequited love, and discusses the basic psychology of unrequited love. If you tend to feel one-way love more often, this article is a good place to start.
If you are ready to find out what to do about your tendency for one way love, read on.
Dealing with unrequited love can be a challenge. Most unrequited lovers think about the painful experience from the past as part and parcel of early life experience. They generally tend to look back on their experiences relatively positively and even with fond memories, warmth and some residual love. A few of them, however, find it impossible to cope with the loneliness, grief and desolation which are invariable components of unrequited love. As I have written in my blog Addicted to Grief, although emotional pain is different from physical pain, a break-up or rejection literally crushes your heart in a way that you feel it breaking inside your chest like it was physically happening. Then again you are angry at yourself for being in that situation and resort to destructive means, like smoking, drinking and in extreme cases, even attempt to commit suicide. A tendency to feel one way love has roots in some pretty basic things in human psychology and, in its more powerful aspects it can affect your emotions, thoughts, beliefs and actions – indeed your entire life experience. Not in a good way, either.
As an unrequited lover, you are probably experiencing powerful mood swings, where one end of the pendulum is overwhelming feelings of hurt and rejection. You may even feel embarrassed or humiliated because you made your feelings obvious and they were not reciprocated. Or, you may be tirelessly holding onto hope because your heart tells you that your life will not be complete without this person. As discussed in my blog Distraction and Fantasies in Unrequited Love, unrequited lovers will experience periods of happiness, or even euphoria, at any indication of reciprocation. Even a neutral behavior such as a simple smile or casual greeting will be cause for elation. Unfortunately, they will quickly swing to the opposite extreme at any signs of disinterest or rejection. If the beloved neglects to acknowledge the lover’s greeting or respond to their presence, the lovers will fall into despair, even depressions or physical illness.
Your friends tell you that you shouldn’t love someone who doesn’t return your feelings and that you should move on. But, the “plenty of fish in the sea” theory isn’t convincing because you believe that you have already found your ‘soulmate’ and you aren’t interested in pursuing other options. Yes, some people take longer than others to realize their true feelings. And yes, being able to hold on without receiving love in return is sometimes the key factor that keeps a relationship together during difficult times. But, love that remains unreciprocated can be excruciatingly painful. Learning to deal with it is vital to your personal development and your ability to live life to the fullest.
So, assuming you want to help yourself out of one-way love, what to do?
First off, you need to realize the truth about what is going on with you. Let me just make that very clear:
You are sure you are not whole (but in fact you are) and you believe that someone outside of yourself will make you whole (which they won’t) and finally, for one or several reasons, you subconsciously want to stay in your present condition.
Let’s get real. If you were honest with yourself, you would have to admit that loving someone who doesn’t love you in return is not an enjoyable way to live your life. Right? There is no future in that. And, even though you may desire the object of your affection, you don’t want to be trapped in a painful situation. Right? Right.
Next I am going to come up with my ultimate advice about ways to move beyond unrequited love!!
Got something to share? Please write your experiences in the comments section and i will add them to my future blogs.