Unrequited Love Markers.
It has been studied that romantic love, is a stronger craving than sex. People don’t kill themselves if they do not get sex when they want it, but it is not adaptive to be without love, and hence, a love deprived unrequited lover needs more attention in terms of getting over the situation, than, probably, a sex deprived husband/wife.
The subjects of a study who had been in unrequited love for 17 months displayed markers in the brain indicating the beginnings of the satiation response. Which, in other words, means they were already getting tired of the entire process. In a related study, the researchers found evidence that romantic love exists in 150 societies, even though it is discouraged in many of them. But with many women from these countries now entering the workforce and acquiring a sense of independence, together with medical science keeping us relatively younger longer, romantic love is expected to be on an increasing rise.
I have heard people discuss – can unrequited, unreturned love work? Does it have the capacity to last for a lifetime? You will be surprised to know how many lovers have spent a lifetime loving and only loving one person, alone! Although love is a matter of the heart, a lot of it is controlled by the activities of the brain. The brain decides if that one person is worth it, the heart just follows. I personally do not understand how a person could happily just keep giving love and never complain about not being loved back. I do not understand how this feeling keeps growing without a response from the love object! For me, love is love only when it is mutual. When we are loved back, when there is oneness, desire, respect and fulfilment.
However, there is no denying the fact that there are many one way relationships. Where the lovers continue to believe that the object of love will one day come to see the good in them. Their love will be understood and returned. This belief keeps them going, and that hope, somehow, keeps working as the source of energy for the unrequited lover.
As discussed in my post Encouraging Self in Unrequited Love, unrequited love often causes you to neglect the other relationships in your life. You may even become withdrawn or cut yourself off from social activities. But, it is vitally important that you find ways to constructively fill your time and surround yourself with family and friends who will offer understanding and support. It sounds trite, but you must get your mind off the unrequited love, stop dwelling on it, and redirect your energy to something more effective such as a hobby or newly set goal. Exercise, take a vacation, plan some outings with friends, or even start dating again. After all, you will never meet someone who will love and accept you if you are not open to other possibilities of companionship and emotional intimacy.
Get your focus back on what is really important to you because they bring you joy here and now. Reconnect with your passions, values, and beliefs and ignite your dreams and goals. Your life has probably been on hold for a while now, you have likely become stagnant and lost sight of those things that provided inspiration and motivation. In fact, in all honesty, you have probably lost sight of yourself, of who you are, because you have only been consumed with someone else. You may think and believe that your life is meaningless without the object of your desire, but you must let go of that belief and take control of your thoughts. The best relationship that you can have is your relationship with yourself. If you must imagine a future, imagine a future without the object of your one-way love.
As discussed in my blog More About Karma of Choice, according to Hindu mythology, unless one soul has become completely clear of the past Karma, it will keep re-embodying itself to achieve Moksha. In every new situation, it will attract the relevant cause and effect pattern that it has set up in the past. Now that you know this, know also that the pain that you have felt in unreturned love was meant to be, in order to make you Karma clear. Now, after you have lived your share of pain and when you are ready, another love will follow, and soon!
I have faith in your ability to get over and get moving. Sending love for a happy relationship!