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Unrequited Love Makes You Crazy

Unrequited Love Makes You Crazy.

Everybody goes a little bit crazy when in unrequited love. Is that a massive generalization? Yes. I have also found it to be absolutely true.

Not a very good term to be used for a hurt and rejected lover. To use the word “crazy” in such a nondescript manner, so let me be more specific: crazy means that an unrequited lover often loses touch with reality. They invent stories in their head and convince themselves that they’re true. They have a hard time distinguishing between fact and fiction. Good judgment and patience fly out the window.

How does unrequited love make you crazy? Here’s an example of the kind you will hear all the time – “I texted him in the morning and he hadn’t texted me back by 4, I was in full-on crisis mode. I was so confused, anxious and obsessively checking my phone, and convinced that he didn’t like me. It seemed like we had had such a good time the night before. I had been so convinced that he liked me! Was he turned off by the fact that I texted him first?”

What is happening? This young woman is distrusting herself and what she previously knew to be true about how her date felt about her. She is constantly checking her phone and having a hard time focusing on anything else. She’s not thinking clearly or calmly. In other words, she’s freaking out! Her emotions are ruling her. And the guy may not even be thinking about her. It might have been just a one night stand and she thinks it was love!

Think about your own experience the last time you started dating someone you really liked. Did you go a little crazy in any of these ways? If yes, this could be dangerous. This “crazy’ is not always a bad thing, but in unrequited love, it is. In other ways, it’s exciting to get caught up in the drama of new love. But in unrequited love, it’s full of fear and anxiety. It’s a dangerous place more importantly because, though it’s not real, you respond to it as if it were. And the more decisions you base on an inaccurate assessment of what’s going on, the more of a mess you’re going to get yourself into.

Let’s say, for example, that you’re in a state of panic because you haven’t heard from a romantic partner and you allow yourself to make the assumption that it’s because the person doesn’t like you. In reaction to that assumption, you back off. If someone feels you backing off, they might assume you’re not interested, prompting them to back off too. Which then prompts you to back off even more. You wait longer to text and your texts become shorter, less flirtatious. If this person does in fact like you, and if your assumption was wrong, you might risk making them feel unwanted.

And all of a sudden, two people who are interested in one another aren’t talking. I’m not suggesting you start stalking someone via text just because you like them. But I am suggesting that making decisions based on emotionally volatile assumptions can lead you down a problematic path.

We’re crazy because we’re scared. If this kind of “crazy” is so uncomfortable and unproductive, why do people go there? The answer is we are scared. Being scared of losing someone makes it hard to calm down and be thoughtful in a way that allows you to see a relationship in a more complex, nuanced, and realistic way. You start asking questions to yourself. Questions to which you may never get an accurate answer within yourself. At this time, it makes sense to find a more realistic, thoughtful answer—which is, frankly, “I don’t know how he feels about me. I’ll have to wait and see.”

I know it is hard to be in that that “I don’t know” place. But the truth is, sometimes it’s the only place you can be. Your beloved has such control over you, instead of learning from the situation and making the right decisions at the right time, you stagnate yourself in an unfulfilling affair. It sets up an inclination towards self-mutilation. Remember that a good relationship is where both partners feel the support of being pushed to achieve their best, yet being loved for what they are.

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