Unrequited Love and Sex in Perspective.

Ayurveda classifies the body into seven bodily tissues

• Plasma- known in Ayurveda as Dhatus
• Plasma – known in Ayurveda as Rasa
• Blood – known in Ayurveda as Rakta
• Flesh – known in Ayurveda as Mamsa
• Fat – known in Ayurveda as Medas
• Bone – known in Ayurveda as Asthi
• Marrow – known in Ayurveda as Majja; and
• Reproductive fluids – known in Ayurveda as Shukra.

Products of the reproductive system are the seventh dhatu or bodily tissue. The reproductive tissue is the cream of all the body’s metabolic efforts and hence, the sperm and ovum are considered the end result of the metabolism of the preceding six tissues. If the quality of the reproductive tissue is pure, then the greatest miracle of the body can be performed. The miracle of creating a child. A strong desire to intimate with another person physically and emotionally, when unreturned, becomes unrequited love. As I have discussed in my blog Falling In and Falling Out, fulfilment in life involves romantic relationships as a crucial element for many people. In the absence of a romantic relationship, most people tend to become desolate and lonely. An individual’s narcissist needs start anticipating an ideal romance after finding a partner. However, as the relationship grows, a more mature and realistic relationship will evolve from a healthy partnership. This will be strengthened by friendship, inter-dependence, loyalty and companionship kind of superego related values and not from unreturned, one-way love. Even if you are clear in your mind that you want just this one person for your life to be happy, I bet that nowhere in your list of intentions do you want your partner to not love you as much as you love them. Yet, this is all that you are getting by being in unrequited love.

It is interesting to note that Ojas, a subtle essence, which is not a physical substance but more like the essential energy of the immune system, is created by the pure reproductive fluids – Shukra. A strong Ojas can be created only when two individuals who feel equal love and desire for each other, come together in a physical union. The casual sexual encounters experienced by unrequited lovers can never contribute to the formation of Ojas.

When the Ojas is strong and pure in our being, we have a strong aura, strong immunity, bright eyes, and mental clarity. Ayurveda regards unrestricted sexual activity as one of the acts most detrimental to health not because sex in itself is bad, but because it strains the nerves and exhausts the bodily tissues, thus creating irritability in a person and decreasing Ojas. This can also be attributed to emotional dissatisfaction caused by emotionally unfulfilling sexual union.

According to Hippocrates – Individuals who do not regulate their sexual impulses are more prone to loss of strength, weak immune function, and various diseases owing to depletion of vitality. Those who regulate their sexual energy will have increased memory, power, intelligence, health, and longevity.

It can be observed that animals regulate and moderate their sexual activity. Even those infamous breeders, rabbits don’t mate in autumn and many species such as wolves mate only for procreation, choosing a monogamous relationship for life. The Ayurvedic system gives an interesting insight into our unique sexual behaviour by classifying our psycho-physiological constitution according to the predominance of elements. The three main body-types are as follows:

• Vata – associated with air and ether and is a tender and romantic lover;
• Pitta – associated with fire and water and personifies the archetypical hot Latin lovers; and
• Kapha – associated with water and earth and is exemplified by ancient figures of the fertility goddess

In my next post, I am going to discuss in detail the characteristics of these three body types, their ideal partners and the four main phases of human life during which the role of sex changes. All of the above information is for the unrequited lovers to understand what they are missing in an unfulfilling relationship, not just emotionally, but also theoretically and physically, with respect to the most ancient traditional Hindu system of medicine which is based on the idea of balance in bodily systems.

Aspire to create an exclusive, loving, joyful and fun-filled relationship for yourself. That same life-creating energy if directed inwards can facilitate renewal of our own body and mind.