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Unrequited Love and Ayurvedic Union

Unrequited Love and Ayurvedic Union.

According to the Vedas, life can be divided into four main concerns:

  • Dharma – the spiritual duties
  • Artha – the economic development
  • Kama – pursuit of love, pleasure and sex; and
  • Moksha – liberation from the cycle of birth and death.

If the Vedas are to be followed, the wise must choose ways of acting that allow them to achieve the four aims of life without letting the pursuit of pleasure lead them to oblivion. The point that I am considering here is – how would an unrequited love, whose love is never returned, is rejected or betrayed, attain the third stage to move on to the fourth? Does this mean an unrequited lovers life remains incomplete and his soul is bound to continue with the vicious circle of life and death, without achieving Moksha? How can this be changed?

The Vedas advise practicing all four activities at different times and in such a manner that they may not clash in any way, are harmonised and planned to follow step 1 to 4 at the right time. With this aim in mind, Ayurveda advises one follow certain observances in order to gain the maximum benefit from sexual union and to avoid detrimental effects of carnal desires.



Ayurveda recommends a full moon night in a bower of flowers, soft silk garments, light and nourishing food and music, sweet and intoxicating perfumes, for the perfect love tryst. Following are a few thing to be followed for a fulfilling experience of union with your beloved:

  • Choose a time when you are both relaxed and aroused. The best time for sex is before midnight to ensure sufficient rest afterward
  • Dress in attractive, clean attire and wear a fresh flower garland
  • Prepare a beautiful, peaceful and seductive setting that provides a feast for all your senses
  • Bathe in or anoint the body in essential oils
  • Incense or oil burners with these scents also contribute to the erotic mood
  • Play musical Ragas for a romantic mood
  • It is emphasised to take enough time and attention to pleasing one’s partner. Both the Kama Sutra and the Ananga Ranga outline in detail the art of foreplay and emphasise the importance of satisfying both partner’s desires to be loved and nurtured.

For the unrequited lovers, my question is- are you happy in this relationship? Spending day after day alone, in doubt and despair is not going to do you any good. Find reasons to be happy. Start a gratitude journal. Smell the rain. Read a good book. Know this is your choice and you are happy with it! Love is one of the greatest teachers and mysteries of life, but we become almost obsessed with cracking the code of love when the object of our love doesn’t love us back.  Lovers start believing that there is something that is missing in them, which, if changed, can cause the beloved to fall in love with them. They start finding ways to carve out of the marble of their being, someone that the beloved will find irresistible. The more you change yourself, the more you will turn into a shadow of your own.

Remember, life reflects to you what you are sending out as energy. If you are happy with your current reality, thank the universe and enjoy. If you are not happy, open your eyes, go back and redefine your dream. Change your beliefs, your thoughts and feelings, and take a different action. As I have written in my blog Relationships and Karma, the Universe is a reflection of you. Whatever you are as an individual, so is the universe that you create around you. The neighbours, friends, family, home, city and environment you live in, everything in your life is literally a reflection of you. If you feel that your life is a mess, or that the person you love doesn’t love you back and this is making everything in your life negative, incomplete and unwanted, then you need to do some deep soul searching.

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