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Unlucky in Unrequited Love

Unlucky in Unrequited Love.

To say that love hasn’t obeyed my expectations would be the understatement of the century. Love does not obey our expectations; it obeys our intentions. So, watch who you fall in love with, starting from the moment you start feeling attracted to the person. Most of us have not been lucky in love, at least for once. But we have all been blessed with some amazing moments over the years. Yet, somehow, we have managed to choose partners who did not feel what we felt, or did not want what we wanted, and did not want to walk beside us into a future together.

Desperation is cruel beast. The more desperate you are, the more desperate you’ll seem, and the less sexy you’ll be. Once it gets you, it grows like an evil love-fungus. Now, I am discussing this because a lot of times we get into a relationship that starts normally, with all the love in the air, and violins playing in the background, but after some time, one of the partners suddenly switches off, becomes disinterested, leaving the other in unrequited love. Feeling lonely and crying over spilled milk is not going to help.

Regardless of any protective barriers we may have built, falling in love can be a slippery slope. Love requires utmost vulnerability and trust. Hopes and expectations rise along with the awareness that it can slip away. It can blindside you or it can ease in like a light a mist that settles itself beautifully over your life. We often fall in love with a person before we have fully gotten to know them. By the time we get to know them, we have already stretched our heart for them to bruise it.

Do you enjoy the excitement of pursuing something you cannot have? For some people, this is the incentive, and once they achieve their goal, they no longer want what they were pursuing. In this case, you will consistently be attracted to the prospect of unrequited love and lose interest when, or if, this love is ever returned. This is also a defence mechanism and may be an indication that you have a fear of commitment or intimacy.

Remember, a guy who is a gentleman to his mom and other women is a keeper. Someone who is both tender with kids and respectful to the elderly is worth a second look. A man’s behavior toward women says volumes about the type of person he is. I have a brother-in-law who adores my kids. Even after having children of his own, he makes my kids feel special and cool. He loves roughhousing with them and blending fruit smoothies for them. This kind of men make good partners.

Unrequited love pangs tear at your heart when both of you are buffeted about in one drama after another. With time, you become an emotional wreck; confused and incapable of being strong in the presence of your lover. You feel sucked off, of better sense, logic and emotions. I would like to mention here, just for a cause, that minority social groups who feel excluded show many of the same patterns as unrequited lovers– antisocial behaviour, high rates of aggression, decreased willingness to obey rules or cooperate, more self-destructive acts. poorer intellectual performance, etc. If we could possibly promote a more inclusive society, some of these tragic patterns could be reduced when people feel themselves to be accepted as valued members.

Talking too much or sharing too much information is a sign of insecurity. So, speak less, listen more. The worst thing you can do is to ear-ache the other person with fascinating facts about yourself. Give them a chance to make their minds up about you. One of the biggest markers of desperation is babblers and braggers sounding like they’re trying too hard to impress.

You don’t want to spend your life with a vain person. You don’t want a selfish or narcissistic partner. It’s fine to want to look nice, and no one wants to be with a slob, but pay attention to the person’s ego and make sure s/he’s not a slave to fashion or his physique/beauty.

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