Significant Separations and Unrequited Love.
Separation may seem truly painful at times and not so painful at other times to unrequited lovers. It is because of the constant fight between intensities and beliefs of the visible you and the actual you. The deeper you connect with yourself, the clearer you will be able to see what you really want. I have written about this in detail in my blog Separation and Unrequited Love. Truth is that until love embraces separation, it is reduced to just a needy attachment. A relationship is merely an entanglement until a lover sees the beauty of being alone. Until you have lived at least one unrequited love relationship, you are not ready to experience the happiness of a true love.
In everyone’s life there are some separations that are worth mentioning. To think about how they brought forth more liveliness, a certain kind of lightness of being, as you endure the pain. With every unrequited love experience, pain of being rejected keeps getting weaker, however, there still remains one such love that hurts even after years.
Your first time away from home, probably your first year of university, when you are full of excitement of living away from home, the innocence of those days. And then homesickness! Today, we look back at those days with fond nostalgia.
Your first love is another significant separation. The memories of those days when lovers used to write letters to each other! Intimate conversations through letters that took days to reach. When you expressed your love to your beloved, the charged emotions, uncertainties; recounting all of it still evokes in us a feeling of the tenderness of human life.
Separation and New Life
Life starts with an individual’s separation from the mother’s womb. Understand this law that nature is trying to prepare us for, since the moment we are born. Separation, it is inevitable. You can read about this in detail in my blog Falling in and Falling Out. It is also true that we do not realise the actual depth of our desire, love and dependability for an individual until we are separated from them. It is the profound longing towards our romantic relationship that makes us realise the strong attachment or ties that bind us to the other person. Pain of loss and separation is bound to happen in love, unless you decide not to take that path at all.
Similarly, separation in unrequited love is like being called to join a world of transformation, a world of personal evolution. A new life beckons you. First step is always the most difficult to take; whether it is walking out of a failing marriage, a love affair, or even quitting a job. But once you have taken the first step, you will find what you were born to do, who you were born to be, or be with. You realise that you have taken your first step towards discovery and fulfilment. Like the banyan tree from which many trees are born, giving birth to a forest; nature celebrates separation. The human mind has yet to learn the art of joy in separation.
Letting Go
I know it’s not easy. Mostly there are friends and family to help. But certain things have to be dealt with on a personal level. Especially when there is a marriage or children involved. There are assets and custodies to think about. If it is one-sided love, there is possibility of loss of a dear friend, and so on. All of these things make it difficult for you to move on. There is never going to be a clear answer to all the questions in your head. The only way to know is to ask yourself “am I happy”? If the answer is “yes”, stay. If the answer is “no”, remember, your assets and custodies will not bring you happiness. If they had the capability to do that, your answer to the above question would be “yes”.
Recognise when a stage of life, a job, a relationship is over and let go. It requires leaving what’s over, without denying its validity or its importance in our past lives. Learn to gracefully and gratefully exit from a chapter of life that is over without prolonging and stretching something that has lived its life.
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