Putting Aside Unrequited Love.
Rejection served an important role in Evolution. In our past, being outcast from our tribes was worse than death, as we were incapable of surviving alone. Psychologists say this led to our brains being programmed to send signals when there is a risk of rejection. Individuals who are capable of reading these signals sent by the brain, are more careful in their ways of life and avoid being in situations like unrequited love, in order to avoid rejection and the pain associated with it. On the other hand, those of us who are unable to understand these signals fall in love with someone who is eventually going to hurt us in the long run.
It has been proven that a broken heart is not just a metaphor. When a person is emotionally hurt, it is the same as a physical wound. It needs to be taken care of and it needs to heal as well. Unfortunately, we are not as well informed about taking care of the emotional wounds as we are about the physical wounds. So here are some first-aid tips for a heart broken due to unrequited love.
Think about how it happened. Everything. How did you start falling for a person who you (probably) knew will not reciprocate your feeling? And if you did not know that you will be rejected, how did you misjudge the situation. What did you miss? See if you can find a pattern in your behaviour. Any kind of pattern – do you tend to fall in love with someone who doesn’t love you back? Do you like to be seen as a selfless lover, always giving and never demanding? Do you subconsciously set unachievable targets in matters of the heart?
An indication of an unrequited love story is when your beloved never wavers to solicit favors from you that obliges you to give up your time and commitment, yet when it’s an ideal opportunity to return the favor, he or she never appears to have time or ability. The individual appears to be too occupied with other, more important tasks at hand, and does not see it important to put them aside and be available for you.
You might even be told that your expectations are unrealistic and it is unfair on your part to expect the other person to be available for you at your convenience. Remember, if the other person loves you, there cannot be anything more important than being by your side when you need them.
When your loved one wants to go out, he or she doesn’t welcome you to tag along. You are not invited to a night-out with friends either. When you offer to take them out with your friends, that is rejected too. They only want to spend time with their own friends while you sit at home pondering over your status in their life. And if you happen to be friends and share the same group, you become just another person in the group, with no difference between you and another person of the same gender. Know at this time that your beloved either does not realise that you are in love or does not want to reciprocate your feelings.
We can be more tough to ourselves than we are to others. We keep blaming ourselves for being stupid in believing (even half-heartedly) that he loves us too. Not only does it make the recovery slower, it also makes us stuck in that feeling. We’re unable to move on because of the immeasurable pain and the pity parties we throw for ourselves whenever we remember that moment of rejection.
Learn to not blame yourself. All you have is ‘you’, so love yourself and let yourself make mistakes – you are not perfect, nobody is.
So, to all lovelorn lovers in unrequited love out there, courage! You are not alone. It happens to almost everyone. You will soon recover from the damage it has caused to your heart and soul and find the ‘actual’ love of your life (or be found by him) when it’s your turn!
Rejection is incredibly painful. But there are emotions we need to feel before we learn lessons we need to learn – falling in love with the wrong person is one of them.
I hope my blog helps you in understanding unrequited love better. Please leave your comments to share more experiences and i will add them in my future blogs!