Perspective and Unrequited Love.
When people are depressed, they have less activity in the prefrontal lobes of the left side of their brain, so purposefully doing logical activities, can help stabilize mood and help you feel much more detached and objective about stuff that was bothering you. I have written about this in detail in my blog Strategizing Against Unrequited Love. You need perspective to deal with unrequited love. When you love someone who doesn’t seem to care for you, or at least not as much, it can be easy to agonize over why they don’t like/love you the way you do them. Understand how wrong you were in falling in love with someone who will never love you back; more importantly, someone who doesn’t even care! Remind yourself of the bigger picture – there is no happy ending in this relationship.
Finding someone who can give you what you need is another way of making the pain of unrequited love less difficult to bear. Loving whilst being loved in return; that great emotional symmetry is what really fulfils your emotional needs. As discussed in my blog Cutting Cords in Unrequited Love, at the point when your feelings in a relationship are not shared, the outcome can be excruciating for both of you, particularly for the person who is more dedicated to the relationship. My extensive research on the subject leads me to believe that every unrequited lover is capable of finding someone to love them back, however, there are reasons why some of them remain in one-way love or fall in love with unavailable love objects and the existence of ethereal cords is one of them. Some people get into the destructive pattern of only really falling for people who are ‘unavailable’ in some way, perhaps because they are with someone else or emotionally unable to commit to a relationship. Unconsciously making unavailability a prerequisite for falling in love is like insisting on going swimming only in dry deserts – it’s never going to really work. If you have been doing this, or you suspect you have, at least become conscious of it and reflect that it’s a self-defeating strategy.
Focus on finding someone who likes you for who you are. And don’t confuse the intensity of agony with the intensity of real love. You’ll know once you have found the real thing, because it will flow in both directions. I have analysed that although love is a matter of the heart, a lot of it is controlled by the activities of the brain. The brain decides if that one person is worth it, the heart just follows. As I have written in my blog Step by Step, I personally do not understand how a person could happily just keep giving love and never complain about not being loved back. I do not understand how this feeling keeps growing without a response from the love object! For me, love is love only when it is mutual. When we are loved back, when there is oneness, desire, respect and fulfilment. Spiritually speaking, people who find themselves experiencing the pangs of unrequited love are weak and feel there is something missing in them. This emptiness makes them pursue an object of unrequited love.
Just think for a moment how wonderful it’s going to feel when you no longer have to be obsessed about that person. How you’ll be able to choose whether to think about them or not. And when you do, you are able to feel calm and detached, putting it down to part of life’s rich tapestry of experience. In instances of obsession, the unrequited lover tries to control or maintain a strategic distance from the thoughts and images of the beloved and looks for possible distractors to maintain balance, though this relief is short-lived. However, the term “love obsession” generally includes both addiction and obsession. Just imagine how good it’s going to be when you find someone who knows how to love you as you love them!
Real love should make you happy and contented, not miserable and anxious. Unrequited love can never be anything but painful. For harmony in a relationship, the force of attraction needs to be balanced.
Sending light for a happy relationship. Please share your experiences and I will add them to my future blogs.