Lessons Learnt from Unrequited Love.
“Winter is much like unrequited love; cold and merciless.” – Kellie Elmore
It was a cold winter night. My beloved was sitting in front of me while we warmed our hands near the fire, when I had finally found the courage to ask him what we were to each other. It had been on my mind since the moment my heart started sending me love-signals. When it started singing a strange tune every time we were alone together.
My brain told me it was wrong – we’re adults and we don’t need labels anymore. But my heart was dying to know the answer and kept on saying: “You must to know!!”. And you guessed it right, the brain lost.
So I asked my unrequited love and his answer broke my heart to pieces.
“We’re friends!”
Three honest words. But they hit me like a cold wave and left me drowning. And the one who I wanted to be my savior had made it quite clear that he wasn’t thinking on the same lines. That was the last time I saw him.
Unrequited love left me hurt and wounded (and almost killed me). Here are five of the most important lessons I have learnt from my one-sided love with a poet who wrote love-poems meant for somebody else.
- Forgive
We can be more tough to ourselves than we are to others. We keep blaming ourselves for being stupid in believing (even half-heartedly) that he loves us too. Not only does it make the recovery slower, it also makes us stuck in that feeling. We’re unable to move on because of the immeasurable pain and the pity parties we throw for ourselves whenever we remember that moment of rejection.
Learn to not blame yourself. All you have is ‘you’, so love yourself and let yourself make mistakes – you are not perfect, nobody is.
- Love cannot be forced
If the person you love has already told you that they don’t love you, accept their decision gracefully. Never try to convince them otherwise. Never fool yourself into believing that they are still to realize the feeling. You are preparing for a big disappointment if you do.
- Accept and move on
Unrequited love is quite hard to accept. When you have that feeling for someone, you start living in a fantasy world. Delusions then become truth for you and you start scrutinizing each action and every work of the object of your affection, interpreting them wrongly. You start thinking that they reciprocate your feelings, while, actually, they don’t.
So when you are told that they do not feel for you, step back. Initially it is excruciatingly difficult to accept the truth, but given some time, reflecting on what happened, acknowledging your conflicting emotions and searching your soul will tell you exactly that – step back. With time, you will accept the truth.
- Unrequited love has some benefits
Some of the best known songs are products of experience with unrequited love. So instead of letting rejection drive you to self-destructiveness, divert your energy to creative activities. You’ll be surprised how it might change your life to something you had never thought of.
In my blog “Benefits of Unrequited Love” I have talked about how you learn the true meaning of love after having loved someone and not being loved in return. You understand the actual difference between love and lust when you are in love and it is not reciprocated; you understand what you really want.
- Healing starts within
Everyone has a different way of recovering but the basic point of healing is our soul. It has to start from deep within. Until we accept what had happened, put ourselves together, pick up where we had left our happy self and decide to move on, healing cannot begin.
Unrequited love hurts. I know – that’s an understatement.
You open your most vulnerable self to another person and, more often than not, you expect you feeling to be reciprocated by the object of your love. But it’s turns out to be wrong.
So to all lovelorn lovers in unrequited love out there, courage! You are not alone. It happens to almost everyone. You will soon recover from the damage it has caused to your heart and soul and find the ‘actual’ love of your life (or be found by him) when it’s your turn!
Rejection is incredibly painful. But there are emotions we need to feel before we learn lessons we need to learn – falling in love with the wrong person is one of them.
I hope my blog helps you in understanding unrequited love better. Please leave your comments to share more experiences and i will add them in my future blogs!