Cyber Rescue.
With the advent of the internet, came new sources of communication and ultimately the concept of cyber-love and online dating was born. In its infancy, online dating was limited to chat rooms, emailing and SMSing. At that time, chat rooms were largely populated, according to the media, by paedophiles and teenagers. However, with time, the explosion of social media led to cyber-love becoming increasingly socially acceptable and popular. Lesser relationships these days are just online, behind computer screens, and between individuals that have never and may never meet. Chances are, you are probably going to find someone who is going to become a part of the rest of your life.
A recent statistic suggests, 1 in 5 relationships start online. Now this certainly sounds promising given that 50% of all marriages in the United States ultimately end in divorce. As I have written in my blog Falling in and Falling Out, separation is inevitable. It is also true that we do not realise the actual depth of our desire, love and dependability for an individual until we are separated from them. It is the profound longing towards our romantic relationship that makes us realise the strong attachment or ties that bind us to the other person. Pain of loss and separation is bound to happen in love, unless you decide not to take that path at all. Today I am here to tell you a story.
Five years ago, a medical student who wasn’t having much success finding love the organic way, was asked by her mother to join an online dating site. She immediately refused, because in her opinion only ugly weird people were on there. She was actually caught up in the “what will people think” mind-set. Also, she didn’t want to meet a creep or be judged by peers. However, following a little prompting, she acquiesced. She didn’t have anything to lose, moreover, how bad could a couple of free dinners be?
So she signed up for a site, created a profile and gave herself a screen name. Suddenly, this dating site became a part time job. Every evening it was her duty to spend a few hours emailing potential matches and responding to messages that she had received. Initially, within hours of signing up, her inbox was flooded with unsolicited messages from older men living far away, well outside of her requested search criteria. The fear of attracting bad Karma made her painstakingly responded to each solicitor, thank him for his interest, and wish him well. Simultaneously, she started scanning the thousands of profiles for any prospective match. Within a day, she had a generic email ready: “Dear _____, I noticed you like to ___ I have/have never/ love to _____. I look forward to hearing from you soon to chat more about this. ~ScreenName”.
Some responded, some didn’t, which didn’t bother her as she could hardly keep up with the current correspondences.
Interestingly, statistics show that more than 90% of profiles on most dating websites are inactive. So she didn’t judge her success by the number of responses. By the end of the second week, she had met three people. One was a quick date that ended awkwardly and they never spoke again. The second, turned out to be the older brother of a friend she knew from childhood who, needless to say, got a rescue call to end the date earlier than planned. Last but not least was her third and final date with a man who is now her husband and father of her first child. They exchanged two emails each, he called to arrange a date, location, and time for a dinner date, and they met at a restaurant. As soon as she saw him, she was pleasantly surprised by how handsome he was in person. By the end of the date, she called her cousin and said “I met someone tonight and this is the man I am going to marry.”
Courtship was a whirlwind and there was nothing ‘online’ about their dating. He called the next day as promised, they met about four times in the first week and countless number of times after that. They were engaged within two short years and married less than one year after that. Her husband is the best thing to have happened in her life. Needless to say, without cyber love, this life would not have been known to her.
You might have guessed by now why I am narrating this story to you. Yes, one unreciprocated or unrequited love is not the end of the world. I understand, when your love is rejected or unrequited, you tend to shrink into a shell. As I have written in my blog Lessons Learnt from Unrequited Love, we can be more tough on ourselves than we are on others. We keep blaming ourselves for being stupid in believing (even half-heartedly) that our beloved loves us too. Not only does it make the recovery slower, it also makes us stuck in that feeling. We’re unable to move on because of the immeasurable pain and the pity parties we throw for ourselves whenever we remember that moment of rejection.
So, to all those single ladies and gentlemen, in unrequited love, or just out of unrequited love, please learn to not blame yourself. All you have is ‘you’, so love yourself and let yourself make mistakes – you are not perfect, nobody is. Just throw away your pride that has been hurt and now holds you back from trying again. Put on your typing shoes because finding a mate is like finding a job, you have to anticipate a lot of dead ends before you find the golden ticket.
Please share your experiences in the comments section and I will add them in my future blogs.