Why Unrequited Love?
At the point when your feelings in a relationship are not shared, the outcome can be excruciating for both of you, particularly for the person who is more dedicated to the relationship. Unrequited love — the most common topic for novels and movies, is one of the worst situations to be in. Simply knowing that your relationship falls under this category is all that is needed to make you take some difficult decisions in life. Mostly, it is the decision to stay in the relationship that is important only to the unrequited lover, but at times, it is the decision to walk out.
A much required “change” that one partner demands from the other is what leads the other to start feeling claustrophobic and suffocated in the relationship. This demand for change, without consent of the partner is the cause of most broken, hopeless or unrequited love relationships.
Why are so many of us prone to repeatedly finding ourselves in unrequited love? Be it a crush, one person being married or physically or emotionally unavailable or even a rebound relationship. While there are so many people available around to love and be loved by, why does our heart start feeling specifically for the ones difficult or impossible to get? It surely cannot be true that all unrequited lovers are ugly, or undesirable, or unlucky? My extensive research on the subject leads me to believe that every unrequited lover is capable of finding someone to love them back, however, there are reasons why some of them remain in one-way love or fall in love with unavailable love objects.
You Are a Love Magnet
This does not mean you attract love. On the contrary, you might be someone who wants to be in love perpetually. You catch love like a virus and refuse to be treated, but you act like there is actually no cure for you. The world of fantasy appeals to you. All things unreal and spontaneous give you the ‘kick’, however, the truth of the matter is that fantasizing about the love object doesn’t ensure love for you in return. Eventually, you are left alone and heartbroken. You have to realise sooner than later that unrequited love is not meant to last forever. Only committed love is.
You Are Unsure
As fancy as it may sound to be a love fool and be unsure of what to do, to make love easy and accessible, the truth is, being unsure means being weak. Period. To form a healthy relationship, both the partners need to feel deeply and strongly for each other. Along with that, it is important to keep growing individually. The day you give it all to the relationship, willingly or unwillingly, you have set yourself up for exploitation. Then all you do is to cry over the painful emotions. As mentioned in my blog “Equilibrium”, the most beneficial way for two people to connect with each other is to be genuinely interdependent. This is when two strong, independent individuals depend upon each other, yet sustain their individuality. They share a well-balanced relationship of togetherness and healthy dependence, without sacrificing or compromising on their own values. Unfortunately, this kind of relationships are rare to find, but, with some understanding and awareness, it is not impossible to achieve.
You Fear Commitment
You might fool others into believing that your beloved doesn’t love you, however, if this is happening with you repeatedly, think twice. Do you even want commitment? Are you ready for it? Sometimes the cause of unrequited love is nothing else but you. You deliberately choose people who you know are not available or you choose someone who does not want commitment in a relationship. My blog “Benefits of Unrequited Love” will tell you that if commitment is a problem for you, unrequited love is your best friend. This is especially true if you’ve never disclosed your true feelings to the other person. You can continue to love them without any demands or commitments. The choice is entirely yours to make.
Low Self-esteem
Does the idea of being loved make you uncontrollably happy? So happy that simple friendly behaviour makes you look for signs of love? If yes, you really need to work on improving your self-esteem. How important you are as a person is not, in any way, dependent on being loved by someone of the opposite gender. While it might look like all the stars are loved by a million fans, it is only half of the truth. The other half is that all fans are unrequited lovers, just like you!
Got something to share? Please write your experiences in the comments section and I will add them to my future blogs.